I saw the rain dirty valley, you saw 'Brigadoon'

So, Young Ben is back from his holiday in Florida with wondrous tales of meeting Mickey Mouse and riding roller coasters

I remember the first time my family went to Florida. We were going just after Christmas and it was a surprise to our sons. Their mother and I cut up the letters spelling DISNEY and put two letters in each of the Christmas Cards to our sons

Now, my sons have always been very strong on Maths but Spelling was not their strong point at this time. "What is a YISNED?", I recall them asking.

After some assistance they managed to work it out and off we went on our first Disney adventure. We stayed in a villa in Kissimmee and drove everywhere. I remember the mix tape I had for the car contained 'Dignity' by Deacon Blue and 'The Whole of the Moon' by The Waterboys and we would sing along to these as we made our way to the parks

At Magic Kingdom we enjoyed Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, Thunder Mountain Railroad and of course It's A Small World. Aladdin had just been released at the movies and the 'Aladdin' Parades in the park were incredible.

We are not the most 'sciencie' family in the world so Epcot was somewhat wasted on us. (Who knows what Epcot stands for?). It did have a Monorail though which allowed us to act like The Simpsons and say "Mono-doh" many more times than we really should have.

Epcot also has a lake in the middle (or World Showcase Lagoon as the say) and surrounding this is the World Showcase, a selection of Pavilions depicting countries from around the globe. These are the most stereotypical buildings and characters you would ever wish to see. Anyone who has ever suffered Dick Van Dyke's accent in Mary Poppins has a fair idea what the United Kingdom Pavilion was like. Norway had vikings, France had the Eiffel Tower, Mexico had Aztecs and Canada had very little.

For their own Showcase though you can endure, sorry enjoy The American Adventure. I quote...
'Hosts Benjamin Franklin and Mark Twain will take you through a stirring exploration of America's past. On the way, you'll meet visionaries such as:

Thomas Jefferson

Frederick Douglass

Susan B. Anthony

Alexander Graham Bell

Teddy Roosevelt

John F. Kennedy

Martin Luther King Jr.'

Strangely I always thought Alexander Graham Bell was Scottish but who am I to argue with Disney

When we were there I recall, at the end of the show, the audience all stood and applauded. They obviously loved American Patriotism Disney style

The best event at Epcot was undoubtedly the fireworks display  from the centre of the lagoon. This was spectacular and given that they did this every evening said a lot for their organisation

We also visited Seaworld but at the time we were there the main attraction Shamu, the killer whale, was pregnant and not really up for entertaining expectant tourists

Our favourite park was definitely Universal Studios with Back to the Future, King Kong, Earthquake and Jaws.
We loved Jaws. When you are sitting in that boat in the middle of an amusement park in Florida you obviously know that the shark is not real. Or is it? When it attacks the boat and you are sitting near the edge it certainly looks real enough. My son tells me that Jaws and Back to the Future have now been closed down. Is nothing sacred anymore?

Universal also had the Psycho House situated up on a hill. I remember we could see it from The Hard Rock Cafe when we were eating there and it seemed like there was a light in the window and someone sitting in a rocking chair. It almost put me off my Cheeseburger

We also drove to Busch Gardens in Tampa and I was forced to go on all the Roller coasters. I recall they eased you in gently and then each one seemed to increase in size until finally you arrived at Kumba. My insides have never been the same again. Although even worse than that was the Swinging Galleon whose arc grew steeper and steeper until you were vertical to the ground and then decided it would be fun to stop when you were upside down. That was horrific. It seems unlikely I will ever make the astronaut programme

I have to say though that writing about these parks has brought back fond memories and I would like to think that Young Ben and I might yet share a roller coaster some time in the future

By the way EPCOT stands for Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow

I cried to my daddy on the telephone, how long now? Until the clouds unroll and you come home, the line went, but the shadows still remain since your descent

So, this weekend was the start of the Play-Offs in the NFL or Wild Card Weekend as they like to call it over there.

I will watch most sports but American Football is the only one from across the pond which I have ever really liked. My sons all like Basketball but the appeal of the game has always escaped me and as for Baseball, watching grown men play Rounders is not my idea of fun.

American Football, however, I do like and each year put on a small wager to try and pick the Super Bowl winner. As I have mentioned before I have an affinity for San Francisco and this year finally The 49ers have made the Play-Offs and I have been able to throw my money away on them

In an effort to expand the game's appeal overseas the NFL play a regular game at Wembley each year. In 2007 my sons and I saw the New York Giants defeat the Miami Dolphins 13-10 and the following year we enjoyed a much more entertaining game when the New Orleans Saints defeated the San Diego Chargers 37-32.

At The Super Bowl they have a half-time show where the most famous acts in the world appear like Springsteen, Stevie Wonder, Prince and The Who. At Wembley we had The Feeling which basically meant it was time to have another beer

In 2008 my mate and I were in New York for his 50th birthday the weekend of The Super Bowl between the New England Patriots and the New York Giants. The Patriots had gone the entire season undefeated and were strong favourites but an inspired performance by The Giants saw them triumph 17-14. The atmosphere watching that game in New York was incredible and even my mate who is not normally a sports fan was so swept up in the emotions that he even bought a round

Over the years movie makers have tried  to produce a good film about football. They have failed miserably and turned out such 'doozies' as 'A Shot At Glory', 'When Saturday Comes' and 'Goal'. There has been much more success with movies about American Football and these are my 5 Favourite ones...

1. 'Remember The Titans'... based on a true story, Denzel Washington gives an amazing performance as the coach who forced integration in his football team

" This is where they fought the battle of Gettysburg. Fifty thousand men died right here on this field, fighting the same fight that we are still fighting among ourselves today. This green field right here, painted red, bubblin' with the blood of young boys. Smoke and hot lead pouring right through their bodies. Listen to their souls, men. I killed my brother with malice in my heart. Hatred destroyed my family. You listen, and you take a lesson from the dead. If we don't come together right now on this hallowed ground, we too will be destroyed, just like they were. I don't care if you like each other or not, but you will respect each other. And maybe... I don't know, maybe we'll learn to play this game like men. "

2. 'Any Given Sunday'.....Al Pacino, Jamie Foxx, Cameron Diaz, James Woods, Dennis Quaid, LL Cool J...excellent cast...excellent movie

3. 'Friday Night Lights'...the movie that spawned the TV series....both compulsive viewing

4.  'Varsity Blues'.....James Van Der Beek (Dawson from Dawson's Creek) steps in when the star quarterback is injured and experiences the pressure of carrying the hopes of a small Texas town to whom high school football is like a religion

5. 'Jerry Maguire'...."You had me at hello"...."Show me the money"  and Dylan and Springsteen in the soundtrack. What more do you need?

I leave you this week with my Top 10 NFL Related Songs

1. One of these Nights.....The (Philadelphia) Eagles

2. Bennie and the (New York) Jets......Elton John

3. (Buffalo) Bills, Bills, Bills................Destiny's Child

4. Where have all the (Dallas) Cowboys gone....Paula Cole

5. I Predict a Riot...........................................Kaiser (Kansas City) Chiefs

6. (Detroit) Lions.........................................Dire Straits

7. Indian Reservation......................................Paul Revere and the (Oakland) Raiders

8. I Can't Ride the (Denver) Broncos Anymore.....Chris Ledoux

9. Birdhouse in your Soul...................................They Might Be (New York) Giants

10. Stuck in the Middle with you........................(Pittsburgh) Steelers Wheel

Yes, I know it's Stealer's Wheel but I thought it was better than Leader of the (Green Bay) Packers or something by Chesney (Seattle) Seahawks

Anyway, Go 49ers! There is a Brees blowing in from the east and The Saints are indeed coming. Bring 'em on!

You're so young and you know so much, heaven help us all from the tales you tell

So, what kind of year was 2011 for you.

It was the year of earthquakes in New Zealand and Japan, floods in Australia, revolution in North Africa, riots in England, carnage in Norway, chaos in Greece, a Royal Wedding in the UK and a very windy day in Scotland

England did not win the Rugby World Cup but Mike Tindall made a lot of new friends, Sunderland sacked their manager, Ayr United were promoted, England did not win the Cricket World Cup in India, Andy Murray did not win a Tennis Major so he is still Scottish, Darren Clarke and Rory McIlroy both won Golf Majors, Chelsea paid Liverpool £50,000,000 for the not so prolific Fernando Torres, Liverpool paid Newcastle a large chunk of that for the equally less than prolific Andy Carroll


It seemed like I was the only person in the UK not to have my phone hacked and Young Ben had holidays in Spain, Dominican Republic and is currently in Florida

It was the year of the killing of Bin Laden and also the deaths of Gaddafi and Kim Jong-Il.

The sporting world mourned the passing of Joe Frazier, Gary Speed, Socrates (the gifted Brazilian footballer) and the incomparable Seve Ballesteros and the music world lost Amy Winehouse, Gary Moore, Gil Scott-Heron, Gerry Rafferty and "The Big Man" Clarence Clemons. I cannot imagine watching The E Street Band without him on saxophone

My own personal year contained the following highs and lows

Sporting Highlight of 2011.....Scotland take the lead against Czech Republic with less than 10 minutes to go in crucial Euro Qualifier

Sporting Low Point in 2011....Czech Republic equalise with extreme;y dubious penalty in last minute of crucial Euro Qualifier

Best TV Programme seen in 2011....episode of Cold Case whose soundtrack consists entirely of Springsteen songs

Top TV Moment of 2011.....the stone stealing penguin from The Frozen Planet

Best Book read in 2011......Freedom by Jonathan Franzen

Worst Musical Moment of 2011.....Pick n Mix destroying Damien Rice's Cannonball

Best New Imaginary Girlfriend of 2011....Kathryn Morris as Lilly Rush in the aforementioned Cold Case

Special Award for Best Huff of 2011......Carlos Tevez

Personal Highlight of 2011.....Ben's Pirate Party for his first birthday attended by friends and family


Best Wishes for 2012!

I couldn't quote you no Dickens, Shelley or Keats, cause it's all been said before

As a precursor to next week's review of 2011, this week I give you my pictorial review of the year

The Libyan X-Factor Auditions prove to be somewhat tricky

.....and the prize for most difficult paper-boy delivery route of the year goes to.....

Meanwhile at the annual Rhino Bungee Jumping Championships in Kenya

A rolling stone may gather no moss but it can make a nasty large hole right through the middle of your house

After the success of The Cube here is the latest game show from the BBC. Can you escape from The Prism?

The Japanese Giants' game of Container Jenga did not end well

The defensive tactics of The Chilean Police Team were not popular with the fans at The World Paintball Championships

"No darling, I said I would like a house BY the sea"

Most of the first dates she had been on before had only involved dinner and a movie

The new trial run for Perfume Testers was not going too well

Suddenly those silly looking helmets did not seem like such a bad idea

Let's end on a high point. The star of the year in reflective mood

See you all in The New Year

It was the only thing that I could do half right and it's turning out all wrong ma

So, Young Ben and I had a disagreement the other day. He asked me if I wanted to listen to his new CD of Little Mix singing Cannonball and I said I would rather he poked me in the eye with a sharp stick. Fortunately his mum does not allow him to play with sharp sticks so he had to make do with his finger

For years now The X Factor and it's predecessors and contemporaries have given a stage for glorified Karaoke singers to 'butcher' classic songs but this year they have surpassed themselves by  allowing the wonderful 'Cannonball' by one of my favourite artists Damien Rice to be released as the winner's single by Pick'n'Mix

I thought they had reached their nadir with 'Hallelujah' a couple of years ago but this year even tops that. Former talent show winner Will Young has single-handedly assassinated Evergreen, Light My Fire, The Long and Winding Road (this one assisted by Gareth Gates) and most recently Come On which I recall as being the theme tune to the excellent TV series 'Rescue Me'

Last year I had the misfortune to witness Storm perform 'Born to Run' which was an all time low at that time but week after week perfectly good songs are tortured by singers who would not make you sit up and take notice if they were singing in your local pub

Even the professionals have a habit of covering songs which should really just be left alone. I give you my Top 10 Worst Covers (not including Talent Show Winners)

1. American Pie....Madonna......I guess she thought because she is Madonna she can sing any song she wants, but to cover the Don McLean classic was a big mistake

2. Father and Son....Boyzone....Cat Stevens was a favourite of mine when I was growing up and did not deserve for this to happen to probably his best song

3. The Man Who Sold The World....Lulu....no explanation required

4. Dock of the Bay....Michael Bolton....poor Otis must be spinning in his grave

5. Blinded by the Light....Manfred Mann's Earthband...Golden Rule of Music No 1...Don't cover Springsteen...he does it best

6. Behind Blue Eyes...Limp Bizkit....strange choice of cover from a strange band

7. Under the Boardwalk....Bruce Willis...Brucie you are much better suited to being Up on the Roof of the Nakatomi Plaza and leave the singing to The Drifters

8. Itchycoo Park...M People...I must admit to not being a fan of M People and this version of a 60s classic did nothing to change my mind

9. Without You......Maria Carey.....Loved the original hit by Nilsson (although admittedly not written by him)....hated this

10. Baby Can I Hold You....Boyzone...Ronan and the boys are at it again, this time Tracy Chapman is the victim


Occasionally a cover comes along which does the original justice so as a balance I give you my Top 10 Best Covers

1. All Along the Watchtower...Jimi Hendrix....I am a huge Dylan fan but Hendrix took this song to a whole new level

2. Hurt....Johnny Cash.....this Nine Inch Nails song could have been written for Mr Cash. Incredible performance

3. Jersey Girl....Springsteen...to misquote Mr Orwell...Tom Waits good..Springsteen better

4. Romeo and Juliet...The Killers....loved the original by Dire Straits but Brandon gives his all on this one

5. My Way..The Sex Pistols....I have always considered this a pretentious song and Sid Vicious gives it the treatment it deserves

6. Ruby Tuesday....Melanie....hard to better The Stones but my dad was a fan of Melanie so she makes the list (and it is an excellent version)

7. Live and Let Die...Guns n' Roses....my sons were into them for a while when they were young and this one grew on me

8. I Will Always Love You...Whitney Houston....sorry Dolly but Whitney gets my vote here. I need to watch The Bodyguard again soon

9. I Fought the Law....The Clash...the late 50s song by The Crickets seemed more appropriate for Thatcher's late 70s Britain

10. Tainted Love...Soft Cell ...Marc Almond turned this 60s soul song into an 80s classic which still sounds good thirty years on


Right, I am off to wrap some presents while I still have one good eye left before Ben finds his dad's Westlife CD

Say now, baby, I'm the rank outsider, you can be my partner in crime

As Young Ben and I were writing our letters to Santa I wondered how long it would be before the dreaded Computer Games became part of his list replacing the likes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Multi-storey car garage and Pirate Ship. Strangely the Pirate Ship was also on my list and second only to Natascha McElhone from Californication. I believe Little Mix were top of Ben's List

Fortunately I have managed to avoid most Computer Games over the years and not been subjected to Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3, Halo or Grand Theft Auto

I remember in the very early years playing 'PONG' which seemed like a revelation at the time and then moving on to Sega/Atari where I did enjoy Tetris for a while and the wonderful Space Invaders

There was also the strange game of 'Duck Hunt' with the hand held light gun which seemed so innovative at the time

My mate still has an old console for 'Blockbusters' and 'Jeopardy' which are still hugely entertaining after a few beers. "Can I have a P please, Bob"
Ah, it never fails

My own sons were never greatly into Computer Games other than the odd sports related ones like Madden NFL or Championship Manager

I do recall playing Thundercats with them however and growing increasingly frustrated as I failed to make it past Level 1 while they would be on Level 7 or thereabouts

Super Mario and Sonic made brief appearances but that was mainly on the hand held Game Boys which did prove extremely useful on long flights to The States when the boys were young

There was also a football game which required very little input which churned out your team's scores in the style of the old Teleprinter that used to be seen on Grandstand when you had the strange sight of groups of men staring through TV Rental stores' windows at 4.40 pm on a Saturday night looking for their team's score that day. I worked in Retail at that time and would sneak out for ten minutes every week to see who Ayr or Sunderland had lost to that week. Anyway in this game you watched your team's results for the whole season. I recall my eldest son and I were obsessed with this game for a while

I also passed on my addiction to 'Wembley' to him. I had this when I was young. It consisted of 32 teams (8 1st Division, 8 Second and 16 Third/Fourth as they were then) with different coloured dice to determine your score depending upon which division you were in and if you were home or away(these were not normal 1-6 numbered dice but had zeros on them)  Just to give the opportunity of a Cup shock however, the 3/4 Division dice (blue home/white away) were the only ones which had a 5 on them. Manchester United 4 Darlington 5 was not really the score you were looking for unless of course The Quakers were one of your teams

I did not like the restrictions of the FA Cup, however and adjusted the cards to allow for the Scottish Cup, European Cup and World Cup so you could have Liverpool/Celtic/Real Madrid/Brazil playing Hartlepool/Stranraer/Nandori Tirana/Scotland although you had to be careful to avoid any crossovers where Hartlepool beat Brazil

Occasionally if one of the teams playing Ayr or Sunderland rolled a 5 you could always say the dice 'slipped' or that it wasn't a proper roll and roll again until a 0 appeared. It was strange how often a 0 appeared when Kilmarnock or N******** United were playing

When we used to go on holiday abroad my sons would often take some toys with them.

I recall when the WWF (Wrestling not Wildlife) was all the rage first time around my sons would take all their wrestlers and a ring and have a 'Royal Rumble' by the poolside.

Often figures from other genres were included and there could be tag matches with The Undertaker and Optimus Prime fighting He-Man and The Fat Controller

On one occasion The Ultimate Warrior met Barbie in the Final. No-one owned up to knowing how Barbie came to find herself amongst all those male combatants but the wrestlers seemed happy enough about it although she did make Optimus Prime transform into a Mini Cooper Cabriolet

On one holiday in Spain we lost 'Trap-jaw'.  During a fierce battle on the beach he was somehow separated from his colleagues and missed roll-call when it was time for dinner.

Once we noticed he was missing we sent out search parties and put up posters all round the hotel but alas he was never seen again. He may still be buried in the sand awaiting some future generation to unearth him as a major find.

I like to think he was washed out to sea and made his way across the Mediterranean to North Africa where he joined the Foreign Legion and took part in Beau Geste type adventures
We salute you 'Trappie'. You were a true hero.

Right, where is that old box with Wembley in it. I wonder if Young Ben wants to assist me in some totally unbiased Sunderland and Ayr Cup victories. He doesn't know what a 5 looks like anyway and he knows his Grandpa never lies. Unfortunately he probably already knows that Sunderland and Ayr don't win cups. Or we could just have a Cage Fight with Mickey Mouse and Tigger. My money's on Tigger

You brought me joy I never knew, feels like a new beginning. My life is complete now that I've found you

So, following the departure of Steve Bruce last week, Young Ben and I both sent off our CVs
to The Stadium of Light but apparently the powers that be have elected for what they see as a safer option in Martin O'Neill

I have been a Sunderland fan since the early 70s after I moved from Ayr to the North-East with my mum and dad. Since that time I have followed them through the mediums and the  lows. In that time they have had 24 managers (including caretaker managers) with Peter Reid surviving the longest. He was there for over 7 years which is a lifetime by Sunderland standards

I believe part of my problem was that I was spoiled early on in my Sunderland relationship when they won the FA Cup in 1973. Unfortunately I was not there to see it but I did see Sunderland beat  Manchester City 3-1 in the Fifth Round Replay in a match which Sunderland fans voted the greatest game ever at Roker Park. The City team included Bell, Lee and Marsh and I still recall Marsh controlling a ball which fell out of the cold, wet sky like a stone and making it look effortless

In those early years I travelled to see Sunderland in exotic locations like Stoke, Mansfield, Hull, Oldham and Bolton. I recall one time leaving the local pub on a Friday night just as the Supporters bus was setting off for London as Sunderland were playing Fulham on the Saturday. What seemed like a good idea at the time was not quite so appealing when you wake up on a bus in London with a stiff neck and a hangover. I believe the game finished 3-3 and George Best played for Fulham that day. I was certainly not at my best


I was also in Liverpool on that fateful night in 1977 when Sunderland lost 2-0 to Everton and were relegated. This was due to the fact that on the same night Coventry and Bristol City played out a 2-2 draw which saved both teams from going down. They also contrived to kick off later than Sunderland so they knew exactly what was required from their game. Even so many years on this one still hurts. It is no wonder I am not a fan of Jimmy Hill
　
　
There were also some good times. In 1980 I was there when Sunderland beat West Ham 2-0 to gain promotion. I recall my then wife was at the game with me and read a book throughout. Venus..indeed!
　
　
During the 80s Sunderland appointed high profile manager Lawrie McMenemy to take them out of the Second Division. He succeeded by getting us relegated to the Third for an all-time low in my lifetime
　
　
In 1990 I witnessed my favourite Sunderland game when we won 2-0 away to Newcastle in the Play-off Semi-finals but the euphoria was short lived as I saw us lose 1-0 to Swindon in the Play-off Final at Wembley in a very poor game
　
　
In 1998 I was back at Wembley with my son as Sunderland lost another Play-off Final, this time on penalties after a 4-4 draw with Charlton in what is widely considered the best game ever at Wembley. Not by me, let me add. Oh Micky...I could have saved that penalty
　
　
That was the era of Peter Reid when with Kevin Phillips and Niall Quinn we enjoyed some entertaining games. It was after the dismissal of Reid in October 2002 that I recall my son phoning me, as I driving back up the M6 from a store in Walsall or the likes, and informing me that Sunderland had appointed Howard Wilkinson as their new manager. That was a bad call....both for me and for Sunderland. Howard Wilkinson....really? I would have liked to see the list of people they passed on as being less capable than Howard Wilkinson. Howard did not let me down. He lasted less than six months and won 4 games out of 27

In 2004 we made the semi-finals of the FA Cup and my son and I made the trip to Old Trafford for the game against Millwall. A friend had managed to get us seats in a hospitality box. Unfortunately he did not realise the box was behind the goal where the Millwall fans were situated and we were sharing the box with a family of Millwall supporters. Sunderland lost 1-0. Again not one of our better days out. Now that I think of it, the friend who got us the tickets is a Middlesbrough fan so maybe that was his plan all along
　
　
More recent times have seen us spend a fair time in the Premier League. Unfortunately the one season I actually had a Season Ticket was in 2005/06 when we finished bottom with a record low of 15 points and only 3 wins. Lucky white heather or what?
　
　
I was happy with the appointment of Steve Bruce at the time but for a man who played centre-half for Manchester United his defensive organisational skills are strangely lacking and when he lost to rivals N******** United in our first home game of the season he was careering down a very slippery slope with no crampons. The loss of Bent, Henderson and Gyan at crucial times certainly did not help him but now we turn to Martin O'Neill as our latest saviour
　
　
I wish him the best of luck. I would like to take Young Ben to Wembley to see Sunderland in my lifetime but I would prefer it was in the Cup Final rather than another Play-off Final