I couldn't quote you no Dickens, Shelley or Keats, cause it's all been said before

As a precursor to next week's review of 2011, this week I give you my pictorial review of the year

The Libyan X-Factor Auditions prove to be somewhat tricky

.....and the prize for most difficult paper-boy delivery route of the year goes to.....

Meanwhile at the annual Rhino Bungee Jumping Championships in Kenya

A rolling stone may gather no moss but it can make a nasty large hole right through the middle of your house

After the success of The Cube here is the latest game show from the BBC. Can you escape from The Prism?

The Japanese Giants' game of Container Jenga did not end well

The defensive tactics of The Chilean Police Team were not popular with the fans at The World Paintball Championships

"No darling, I said I would like a house BY the sea"

Most of the first dates she had been on before had only involved dinner and a movie

The new trial run for Perfume Testers was not going too well

Suddenly those silly looking helmets did not seem like such a bad idea

Let's end on a high point. The star of the year in reflective mood

See you all in The New Year

It was the only thing that I could do half right and it's turning out all wrong ma

So, Young Ben and I had a disagreement the other day. He asked me if I wanted to listen to his new CD of Little Mix singing Cannonball and I said I would rather he poked me in the eye with a sharp stick. Fortunately his mum does not allow him to play with sharp sticks so he had to make do with his finger

For years now The X Factor and it's predecessors and contemporaries have given a stage for glorified Karaoke singers to 'butcher' classic songs but this year they have surpassed themselves by  allowing the wonderful 'Cannonball' by one of my favourite artists Damien Rice to be released as the winner's single by Pick'n'Mix

I thought they had reached their nadir with 'Hallelujah' a couple of years ago but this year even tops that. Former talent show winner Will Young has single-handedly assassinated Evergreen, Light My Fire, The Long and Winding Road (this one assisted by Gareth Gates) and most recently Come On which I recall as being the theme tune to the excellent TV series 'Rescue Me'

Last year I had the misfortune to witness Storm perform 'Born to Run' which was an all time low at that time but week after week perfectly good songs are tortured by singers who would not make you sit up and take notice if they were singing in your local pub

Even the professionals have a habit of covering songs which should really just be left alone. I give you my Top 10 Worst Covers (not including Talent Show Winners)

1. American Pie....Madonna......I guess she thought because she is Madonna she can sing any song she wants, but to cover the Don McLean classic was a big mistake

2. Father and Son....Boyzone....Cat Stevens was a favourite of mine when I was growing up and did not deserve for this to happen to probably his best song

3. The Man Who Sold The World....Lulu....no explanation required

4. Dock of the Bay....Michael Bolton....poor Otis must be spinning in his grave

5. Blinded by the Light....Manfred Mann's Earthband...Golden Rule of Music No 1...Don't cover Springsteen...he does it best

6. Behind Blue Eyes...Limp Bizkit....strange choice of cover from a strange band

7. Under the Boardwalk....Bruce Willis...Brucie you are much better suited to being Up on the Roof of the Nakatomi Plaza and leave the singing to The Drifters

8. Itchycoo Park...M People...I must admit to not being a fan of M People and this version of a 60s classic did nothing to change my mind

9. Without You......Maria Carey.....Loved the original hit by Nilsson (although admittedly not written by him)....hated this

10. Baby Can I Hold You....Boyzone...Ronan and the boys are at it again, this time Tracy Chapman is the victim


Occasionally a cover comes along which does the original justice so as a balance I give you my Top 10 Best Covers

1. All Along the Watchtower...Jimi Hendrix....I am a huge Dylan fan but Hendrix took this song to a whole new level

2. Hurt....Johnny Cash.....this Nine Inch Nails song could have been written for Mr Cash. Incredible performance

3. Jersey Girl....Springsteen...to misquote Mr Orwell...Tom Waits good..Springsteen better

4. Romeo and Juliet...The Killers....loved the original by Dire Straits but Brandon gives his all on this one

5. My Way..The Sex Pistols....I have always considered this a pretentious song and Sid Vicious gives it the treatment it deserves

6. Ruby Tuesday....Melanie....hard to better The Stones but my dad was a fan of Melanie so she makes the list (and it is an excellent version)

7. Live and Let Die...Guns n' Roses....my sons were into them for a while when they were young and this one grew on me

8. I Will Always Love You...Whitney Houston....sorry Dolly but Whitney gets my vote here. I need to watch The Bodyguard again soon

9. I Fought the Law....The Clash...the late 50s song by The Crickets seemed more appropriate for Thatcher's late 70s Britain

10. Tainted Love...Soft Cell ...Marc Almond turned this 60s soul song into an 80s classic which still sounds good thirty years on


Right, I am off to wrap some presents while I still have one good eye left before Ben finds his dad's Westlife CD

Say now, baby, I'm the rank outsider, you can be my partner in crime

As Young Ben and I were writing our letters to Santa I wondered how long it would be before the dreaded Computer Games became part of his list replacing the likes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Multi-storey car garage and Pirate Ship. Strangely the Pirate Ship was also on my list and second only to Natascha McElhone from Californication. I believe Little Mix were top of Ben's List

Fortunately I have managed to avoid most Computer Games over the years and not been subjected to Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3, Halo or Grand Theft Auto

I remember in the very early years playing 'PONG' which seemed like a revelation at the time and then moving on to Sega/Atari where I did enjoy Tetris for a while and the wonderful Space Invaders

There was also the strange game of 'Duck Hunt' with the hand held light gun which seemed so innovative at the time

My mate still has an old console for 'Blockbusters' and 'Jeopardy' which are still hugely entertaining after a few beers. "Can I have a P please, Bob"
Ah, it never fails

My own sons were never greatly into Computer Games other than the odd sports related ones like Madden NFL or Championship Manager

I do recall playing Thundercats with them however and growing increasingly frustrated as I failed to make it past Level 1 while they would be on Level 7 or thereabouts

Super Mario and Sonic made brief appearances but that was mainly on the hand held Game Boys which did prove extremely useful on long flights to The States when the boys were young

There was also a football game which required very little input which churned out your team's scores in the style of the old Teleprinter that used to be seen on Grandstand when you had the strange sight of groups of men staring through TV Rental stores' windows at 4.40 pm on a Saturday night looking for their team's score that day. I worked in Retail at that time and would sneak out for ten minutes every week to see who Ayr or Sunderland had lost to that week. Anyway in this game you watched your team's results for the whole season. I recall my eldest son and I were obsessed with this game for a while

I also passed on my addiction to 'Wembley' to him. I had this when I was young. It consisted of 32 teams (8 1st Division, 8 Second and 16 Third/Fourth as they were then) with different coloured dice to determine your score depending upon which division you were in and if you were home or away(these were not normal 1-6 numbered dice but had zeros on them)  Just to give the opportunity of a Cup shock however, the 3/4 Division dice (blue home/white away) were the only ones which had a 5 on them. Manchester United 4 Darlington 5 was not really the score you were looking for unless of course The Quakers were one of your teams

I did not like the restrictions of the FA Cup, however and adjusted the cards to allow for the Scottish Cup, European Cup and World Cup so you could have Liverpool/Celtic/Real Madrid/Brazil playing Hartlepool/Stranraer/Nandori Tirana/Scotland although you had to be careful to avoid any crossovers where Hartlepool beat Brazil

Occasionally if one of the teams playing Ayr or Sunderland rolled a 5 you could always say the dice 'slipped' or that it wasn't a proper roll and roll again until a 0 appeared. It was strange how often a 0 appeared when Kilmarnock or N******** United were playing

When we used to go on holiday abroad my sons would often take some toys with them.

I recall when the WWF (Wrestling not Wildlife) was all the rage first time around my sons would take all their wrestlers and a ring and have a 'Royal Rumble' by the poolside.

Often figures from other genres were included and there could be tag matches with The Undertaker and Optimus Prime fighting He-Man and The Fat Controller

On one occasion The Ultimate Warrior met Barbie in the Final. No-one owned up to knowing how Barbie came to find herself amongst all those male combatants but the wrestlers seemed happy enough about it although she did make Optimus Prime transform into a Mini Cooper Cabriolet

On one holiday in Spain we lost 'Trap-jaw'.  During a fierce battle on the beach he was somehow separated from his colleagues and missed roll-call when it was time for dinner.

Once we noticed he was missing we sent out search parties and put up posters all round the hotel but alas he was never seen again. He may still be buried in the sand awaiting some future generation to unearth him as a major find.

I like to think he was washed out to sea and made his way across the Mediterranean to North Africa where he joined the Foreign Legion and took part in Beau Geste type adventures
We salute you 'Trappie'. You were a true hero.

Right, where is that old box with Wembley in it. I wonder if Young Ben wants to assist me in some totally unbiased Sunderland and Ayr Cup victories. He doesn't know what a 5 looks like anyway and he knows his Grandpa never lies. Unfortunately he probably already knows that Sunderland and Ayr don't win cups. Or we could just have a Cage Fight with Mickey Mouse and Tigger. My money's on Tigger

You brought me joy I never knew, feels like a new beginning. My life is complete now that I've found you

So, following the departure of Steve Bruce last week, Young Ben and I both sent off our CVs
to The Stadium of Light but apparently the powers that be have elected for what they see as a safer option in Martin O'Neill

I have been a Sunderland fan since the early 70s after I moved from Ayr to the North-East with my mum and dad. Since that time I have followed them through the mediums and the  lows. In that time they have had 24 managers (including caretaker managers) with Peter Reid surviving the longest. He was there for over 7 years which is a lifetime by Sunderland standards

I believe part of my problem was that I was spoiled early on in my Sunderland relationship when they won the FA Cup in 1973. Unfortunately I was not there to see it but I did see Sunderland beat  Manchester City 3-1 in the Fifth Round Replay in a match which Sunderland fans voted the greatest game ever at Roker Park. The City team included Bell, Lee and Marsh and I still recall Marsh controlling a ball which fell out of the cold, wet sky like a stone and making it look effortless

In those early years I travelled to see Sunderland in exotic locations like Stoke, Mansfield, Hull, Oldham and Bolton. I recall one time leaving the local pub on a Friday night just as the Supporters bus was setting off for London as Sunderland were playing Fulham on the Saturday. What seemed like a good idea at the time was not quite so appealing when you wake up on a bus in London with a stiff neck and a hangover. I believe the game finished 3-3 and George Best played for Fulham that day. I was certainly not at my best


I was also in Liverpool on that fateful night in 1977 when Sunderland lost 2-0 to Everton and were relegated. This was due to the fact that on the same night Coventry and Bristol City played out a 2-2 draw which saved both teams from going down. They also contrived to kick off later than Sunderland so they knew exactly what was required from their game. Even so many years on this one still hurts. It is no wonder I am not a fan of Jimmy Hill
　
　
There were also some good times. In 1980 I was there when Sunderland beat West Ham 2-0 to gain promotion. I recall my then wife was at the game with me and read a book throughout. Venus..indeed!
　
　
During the 80s Sunderland appointed high profile manager Lawrie McMenemy to take them out of the Second Division. He succeeded by getting us relegated to the Third for an all-time low in my lifetime
　
　
In 1990 I witnessed my favourite Sunderland game when we won 2-0 away to Newcastle in the Play-off Semi-finals but the euphoria was short lived as I saw us lose 1-0 to Swindon in the Play-off Final at Wembley in a very poor game
　
　
In 1998 I was back at Wembley with my son as Sunderland lost another Play-off Final, this time on penalties after a 4-4 draw with Charlton in what is widely considered the best game ever at Wembley. Not by me, let me add. Oh Micky...I could have saved that penalty
　
　
That was the era of Peter Reid when with Kevin Phillips and Niall Quinn we enjoyed some entertaining games. It was after the dismissal of Reid in October 2002 that I recall my son phoning me, as I driving back up the M6 from a store in Walsall or the likes, and informing me that Sunderland had appointed Howard Wilkinson as their new manager. That was a bad call....both for me and for Sunderland. Howard Wilkinson....really? I would have liked to see the list of people they passed on as being less capable than Howard Wilkinson. Howard did not let me down. He lasted less than six months and won 4 games out of 27

In 2004 we made the semi-finals of the FA Cup and my son and I made the trip to Old Trafford for the game against Millwall. A friend had managed to get us seats in a hospitality box. Unfortunately he did not realise the box was behind the goal where the Millwall fans were situated and we were sharing the box with a family of Millwall supporters. Sunderland lost 1-0. Again not one of our better days out. Now that I think of it, the friend who got us the tickets is a Middlesbrough fan so maybe that was his plan all along
　
　
More recent times have seen us spend a fair time in the Premier League. Unfortunately the one season I actually had a Season Ticket was in 2005/06 when we finished bottom with a record low of 15 points and only 3 wins. Lucky white heather or what?
　
　
I was happy with the appointment of Steve Bruce at the time but for a man who played centre-half for Manchester United his defensive organisational skills are strangely lacking and when he lost to rivals N******** United in our first home game of the season he was careering down a very slippery slope with no crampons. The loss of Bent, Henderson and Gyan at crucial times certainly did not help him but now we turn to Martin O'Neill as our latest saviour
　
　
I wish him the best of luck. I would like to take Young Ben to Wembley to see Sunderland in my lifetime but I would prefer it was in the Cup Final rather than another Play-off Final