I turn on the news and my body froze, the braying sheep on my TV screen make this boy shout, make this boy scream!

I believe 'Birdsong' may be as good a book as I have ever read, a compelling mix of love, loss and the futility of war. With this in mind it was with severe trepidation that I watched the recent BBC adaptation of the book.

I was pleasantly surprised. Although parts of the book were missed altogether I thought it was excellent and did the book justice.

I have read several reviews which do not share my opinion but I felt the characters portrayed on screen captured the essence of the book

It was always going to be impossible to recreate the scale of the horror of the Somme and the hell of working in the underground tunnels but I came away deeply moved and looking for my copy of 'Birdsong' to read again once I am finished with 'The Help'

Hollywood has a habit of taking a good book and destroying it but here is my list of 10 books I have read and enjoyed and then watched the movie version and been equally impressed

1. The Silence of the Lambs.......Jodie Foster and Anthony Hopkins in the movie version of the excellent Thomas Harris book. The same cannot be said for the later 'Hannibal Rising' which was an equally bad book and movie

2. Jaws.....By holding off on the appearance of the shark and using an outstanding soundtrack  Spielberg creates a tension equal to if not better than that in the book

3. No Country For Old Men....great book, great movie...no complaints

4. High Fidelity....The movie shifts Nick Hornby's entertaining book to the USA and surprisingly it works thanks mainly to the always dependable John Cusack and a cameo appearance by Mr Springsteen (I think I need to do a list of my Top 5 breakups)

5. A Clockwork Orange.....A novel with it's own language is recreated on screen by Stanley Kubrick. Ludwig Van never sounded better but 'Singing in the Rain' was never quite the same for me after it's use here

6. Last of the Mohicans....good book but I just love this movie despite not being the biggest fan of Daniel Day-Lewis

7. The Killing Fields....both the book and the movie moved me to tears

8. The Dead Zone....I used to read quite a bit of Stephen King. The Dead Zone was my favourite of his books and the movie had the inimitable Christopher Walken

9. The Outsiders.....a coming-of-age novel set in the 60s is directed on screen by Francis Ford Coppola with a host of up-and-coming stars including Patrick Swayze, Tom Cruise, Rob Lowe, Emilio Estevez, Matt Dillon, Ralph Macchio and C. Thomas Howell

10. The 39 Steps....a book which my dad read to me and I read to my children but the 1935 movie had The Forth Railway Bridge and is still my favourite version of this book


But for every Yin there is a Yang so here are 5 of the worst adaptations of books I have read and liked

1. Captain Corelli's Mandolin.....the wonderful book by Louis de Bernieres is butchered on screen and even by his standards Nic Cage is truly awful

2. The Time Machine....the 1960 movie version of the H.G. Wells classic was not great but the 2002 version had Samantha Mumba as the female lead. Enough said!

3. The Perfect Catch.....What had previously worked with High Fidelity failed miserably here when Nick Hornby's Fever Pitch was moved to the USA and 'soccer' became baseball and Arsenal became the Boston Red Sox

4. The Time Traveller's Wife....a well written clever concept is turned into a melodramatic rom-com

5. The Beach....I really liked the Alex Garland book but Leonardo and the movie did nothing for me and I thought the video game sequence was cringe worthy

I may need to do a new list for bad movie versions of bad books. 'Never Let Me Go' would be top of both lists as I found the book and the movie equally pretentious and dull. But maybe that's just me

All these places have their moments, with lovers and friends I still can recall, some are dead and some are living

My friend was given a novelty gift at Christmas from his son. It was a set of cards entitled '50 Things To Do Once In A Lifetime'. We were somewhat disheartened to discover that between us we had only done about half of these things. So we split up the 'still to do' cards between us with a view to completing as many as we could before "the man comes around" as Mr Cash so aptly put it.

My cards contained 'Go Skydiving'/'Get Snapped By Paparazzi'/' Appear In A Police Line-Up'. I thought perhaps if I did the first one naked I might be able to cover all three in one fell swoop.

I decided to do my own list of '50 Things I Have Done Once(at least) In My Lifetime'

As Dermot says, in no particular order here they are



1. Saw Scotland beat England at Wembley
2. Been up the Eiffel Tower
3. Eaten a pretzel in Central Park
4. Gone crab hunting in Rothesay
5. Appeared as an extra in a movie
6. Been prawn fishing in a river in Australia
7. Watched the sun go down on Galway Bay
8. Saw Nick Faldo win The Open at Muirfield
9. Won a petanque tournament in Puerto Pollensa
10. Visited Alcatraz
11. Kissed Miss World
12. Watched the birth of my three sons
13. Swam in the sea at Juan-les-Pins (the place in the Peter Sarsted song)
14. Cheered on the New York Knicks at Madison Square Garden
15. Watched my eldest son score a hat-trick against the 118th
16. Saw Springsteen live
17. Threw a coin in the Trevi Fountain
18. Won a chess tournament at school
19. Ate breakfast on the Champs-Elysees
20. Wrote a love song
21. Saw Scotland play in Iceland during 24 hour daylight time
22. Ate the worm at the bottom of a bottle of Mezcal
23. Had a snake for a pet in South Africa
24. Turned down an offer of 3 camels for my then wife in Tunisia (those camels and I could have been very happy together)
25. Saw Scotland win a game at the World Cup in 1990
26. Had a beer in the Casino Square, Monte Carlo
27. Ate a Knickerbocker Glory with my mum and dad in Rothesay
28. Won a Shuffleboard competition in Gran Canaria
29. Watched France play Croatia at Euro 2004 in Portugal
30. Fell in love when I least expected it
31. Saw The Mona Lisa
32. Crossed the English Channel on a hovercraft
33. Worked at Butlins for a summer when I left school
34. Walked across The Golden Gate Bridge
35. Kissed Linda Bell (even better than kissing Miss World)
36. Sheared a sheep in Australia
37. Had a canal cruise in Amsterdam (yes, a canal cruise is what we are going for in Amsterdam)
38. Saw my middle son's face holding his new born son
39. Scored a try and missed the conversion for Ayr Academy First Year Thirds
40. Saw Real Madrid play Barcelona in the Bernabeu
41. Experienced the Vappu Festival in Helsinki
42. Met Gabriel Byrne walking across the Brooklyn Bridge (I wonder if this incident is in his top 50)
43. Drove a Bentley and an Aston Martin (both belonged to my brother)
44. Jumped off the top diving dale at Prestwick Baths
45. Won The Cyprus Open Pool Tournament (the majority of the other competitors were made up of my dad and my three young sons)
46. Had a picnic in St Stephen's Green in Dublin
47. Watched my youngest son graduate from Heriot Watt with a First Class Honours Degree
48. Sat in a cable car climbing halfway to the stars and left my heart in San Francisco
49. Was accused of spying at the Germany/Denmark border
50. Fed the Ducks in Queen's Park with Young Ben

I hope to enjoy the first of my next 50 on Saturday when Ayr United play Kilmarnock at Hampden in the Scottish League Cup Semi-Finals. A victory for Ayr Ayr Super Ayr would be the perfect start to my next series of experiences which should include seeing Ben play for Scotland and also having a number 1 single

I saw the rain dirty valley, you saw 'Brigadoon'

So, Young Ben is back from his holiday in Florida with wondrous tales of meeting Mickey Mouse and riding roller coasters

I remember the first time my family went to Florida. We were going just after Christmas and it was a surprise to our sons. Their mother and I cut up the letters spelling DISNEY and put two letters in each of the Christmas Cards to our sons

Now, my sons have always been very strong on Maths but Spelling was not their strong point at this time. "What is a YISNED?", I recall them asking.

After some assistance they managed to work it out and off we went on our first Disney adventure. We stayed in a villa in Kissimmee and drove everywhere. I remember the mix tape I had for the car contained 'Dignity' by Deacon Blue and 'The Whole of the Moon' by The Waterboys and we would sing along to these as we made our way to the parks

At Magic Kingdom we enjoyed Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, Thunder Mountain Railroad and of course It's A Small World. Aladdin had just been released at the movies and the 'Aladdin' Parades in the park were incredible.

We are not the most 'sciencie' family in the world so Epcot was somewhat wasted on us. (Who knows what Epcot stands for?). It did have a Monorail though which allowed us to act like The Simpsons and say "Mono-doh" many more times than we really should have.

Epcot also has a lake in the middle (or World Showcase Lagoon as the say) and surrounding this is the World Showcase, a selection of Pavilions depicting countries from around the globe. These are the most stereotypical buildings and characters you would ever wish to see. Anyone who has ever suffered Dick Van Dyke's accent in Mary Poppins has a fair idea what the United Kingdom Pavilion was like. Norway had vikings, France had the Eiffel Tower, Mexico had Aztecs and Canada had very little.

For their own Showcase though you can endure, sorry enjoy The American Adventure. I quote...
'Hosts Benjamin Franklin and Mark Twain will take you through a stirring exploration of America's past. On the way, you'll meet visionaries such as:

Thomas Jefferson

Frederick Douglass

Susan B. Anthony

Alexander Graham Bell

Teddy Roosevelt

John F. Kennedy

Martin Luther King Jr.'

Strangely I always thought Alexander Graham Bell was Scottish but who am I to argue with Disney

When we were there I recall, at the end of the show, the audience all stood and applauded. They obviously loved American Patriotism Disney style

The best event at Epcot was undoubtedly the fireworks display  from the centre of the lagoon. This was spectacular and given that they did this every evening said a lot for their organisation

We also visited Seaworld but at the time we were there the main attraction Shamu, the killer whale, was pregnant and not really up for entertaining expectant tourists

Our favourite park was definitely Universal Studios with Back to the Future, King Kong, Earthquake and Jaws.
We loved Jaws. When you are sitting in that boat in the middle of an amusement park in Florida you obviously know that the shark is not real. Or is it? When it attacks the boat and you are sitting near the edge it certainly looks real enough. My son tells me that Jaws and Back to the Future have now been closed down. Is nothing sacred anymore?

Universal also had the Psycho House situated up on a hill. I remember we could see it from The Hard Rock Cafe when we were eating there and it seemed like there was a light in the window and someone sitting in a rocking chair. It almost put me off my Cheeseburger

We also drove to Busch Gardens in Tampa and I was forced to go on all the Roller coasters. I recall they eased you in gently and then each one seemed to increase in size until finally you arrived at Kumba. My insides have never been the same again. Although even worse than that was the Swinging Galleon whose arc grew steeper and steeper until you were vertical to the ground and then decided it would be fun to stop when you were upside down. That was horrific. It seems unlikely I will ever make the astronaut programme

I have to say though that writing about these parks has brought back fond memories and I would like to think that Young Ben and I might yet share a roller coaster some time in the future

By the way EPCOT stands for Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow

I cried to my daddy on the telephone, how long now? Until the clouds unroll and you come home, the line went, but the shadows still remain since your descent

So, this weekend was the start of the Play-Offs in the NFL or Wild Card Weekend as they like to call it over there.

I will watch most sports but American Football is the only one from across the pond which I have ever really liked. My sons all like Basketball but the appeal of the game has always escaped me and as for Baseball, watching grown men play Rounders is not my idea of fun.

American Football, however, I do like and each year put on a small wager to try and pick the Super Bowl winner. As I have mentioned before I have an affinity for San Francisco and this year finally The 49ers have made the Play-Offs and I have been able to throw my money away on them

In an effort to expand the game's appeal overseas the NFL play a regular game at Wembley each year. In 2007 my sons and I saw the New York Giants defeat the Miami Dolphins 13-10 and the following year we enjoyed a much more entertaining game when the New Orleans Saints defeated the San Diego Chargers 37-32.

At The Super Bowl they have a half-time show where the most famous acts in the world appear like Springsteen, Stevie Wonder, Prince and The Who. At Wembley we had The Feeling which basically meant it was time to have another beer

In 2008 my mate and I were in New York for his 50th birthday the weekend of The Super Bowl between the New England Patriots and the New York Giants. The Patriots had gone the entire season undefeated and were strong favourites but an inspired performance by The Giants saw them triumph 17-14. The atmosphere watching that game in New York was incredible and even my mate who is not normally a sports fan was so swept up in the emotions that he even bought a round

Over the years movie makers have tried  to produce a good film about football. They have failed miserably and turned out such 'doozies' as 'A Shot At Glory', 'When Saturday Comes' and 'Goal'. There has been much more success with movies about American Football and these are my 5 Favourite ones...

1. 'Remember The Titans'... based on a true story, Denzel Washington gives an amazing performance as the coach who forced integration in his football team

" This is where they fought the battle of Gettysburg. Fifty thousand men died right here on this field, fighting the same fight that we are still fighting among ourselves today. This green field right here, painted red, bubblin' with the blood of young boys. Smoke and hot lead pouring right through their bodies. Listen to their souls, men. I killed my brother with malice in my heart. Hatred destroyed my family. You listen, and you take a lesson from the dead. If we don't come together right now on this hallowed ground, we too will be destroyed, just like they were. I don't care if you like each other or not, but you will respect each other. And maybe... I don't know, maybe we'll learn to play this game like men. "

2. 'Any Given Sunday'.....Al Pacino, Jamie Foxx, Cameron Diaz, James Woods, Dennis Quaid, LL Cool J...excellent cast...excellent movie

3. 'Friday Night Lights'...the movie that spawned the TV series....both compulsive viewing

4.  'Varsity Blues'.....James Van Der Beek (Dawson from Dawson's Creek) steps in when the star quarterback is injured and experiences the pressure of carrying the hopes of a small Texas town to whom high school football is like a religion

5. 'Jerry Maguire'...."You had me at hello"...."Show me the money"  and Dylan and Springsteen in the soundtrack. What more do you need?

I leave you this week with my Top 10 NFL Related Songs

1. One of these Nights.....The (Philadelphia) Eagles

2. Bennie and the (New York) Jets......Elton John

3. (Buffalo) Bills, Bills, Bills................Destiny's Child

4. Where have all the (Dallas) Cowboys gone....Paula Cole

5. I Predict a Riot...........................................Kaiser (Kansas City) Chiefs

6. (Detroit) Lions.........................................Dire Straits

7. Indian Reservation......................................Paul Revere and the (Oakland) Raiders

8. I Can't Ride the (Denver) Broncos Anymore.....Chris Ledoux

9. Birdhouse in your Soul...................................They Might Be (New York) Giants

10. Stuck in the Middle with you........................(Pittsburgh) Steelers Wheel

Yes, I know it's Stealer's Wheel but I thought it was better than Leader of the (Green Bay) Packers or something by Chesney (Seattle) Seahawks

Anyway, Go 49ers! There is a Brees blowing in from the east and The Saints are indeed coming. Bring 'em on!

You're so young and you know so much, heaven help us all from the tales you tell

So, what kind of year was 2011 for you.

It was the year of earthquakes in New Zealand and Japan, floods in Australia, revolution in North Africa, riots in England, carnage in Norway, chaos in Greece, a Royal Wedding in the UK and a very windy day in Scotland

England did not win the Rugby World Cup but Mike Tindall made a lot of new friends, Sunderland sacked their manager, Ayr United were promoted, England did not win the Cricket World Cup in India, Andy Murray did not win a Tennis Major so he is still Scottish, Darren Clarke and Rory McIlroy both won Golf Majors, Chelsea paid Liverpool £50,000,000 for the not so prolific Fernando Torres, Liverpool paid Newcastle a large chunk of that for the equally less than prolific Andy Carroll


It seemed like I was the only person in the UK not to have my phone hacked and Young Ben had holidays in Spain, Dominican Republic and is currently in Florida

It was the year of the killing of Bin Laden and also the deaths of Gaddafi and Kim Jong-Il.

The sporting world mourned the passing of Joe Frazier, Gary Speed, Socrates (the gifted Brazilian footballer) and the incomparable Seve Ballesteros and the music world lost Amy Winehouse, Gary Moore, Gil Scott-Heron, Gerry Rafferty and "The Big Man" Clarence Clemons. I cannot imagine watching The E Street Band without him on saxophone

My own personal year contained the following highs and lows

Sporting Highlight of 2011.....Scotland take the lead against Czech Republic with less than 10 minutes to go in crucial Euro Qualifier

Sporting Low Point in 2011....Czech Republic equalise with extreme;y dubious penalty in last minute of crucial Euro Qualifier

Best TV Programme seen in 2011....episode of Cold Case whose soundtrack consists entirely of Springsteen songs

Top TV Moment of 2011.....the stone stealing penguin from The Frozen Planet

Best Book read in 2011......Freedom by Jonathan Franzen

Worst Musical Moment of 2011.....Pick n Mix destroying Damien Rice's Cannonball

Best New Imaginary Girlfriend of 2011....Kathryn Morris as Lilly Rush in the aforementioned Cold Case

Special Award for Best Huff of 2011......Carlos Tevez

Personal Highlight of 2011.....Ben's Pirate Party for his first birthday attended by friends and family


Best Wishes for 2012!