Why do we never get an answer, when we're knocking at the door

In the absence of my usual mental stimulation from Young Ben I have found myself watching the TV Quiz Show 'Pointless' recently. The object is to find the least popular correct answer in a particular category. Some of the questions recently have not been too taxing

Contestants were asked to identify the occupations of the following characters from Children's TV

Groundskeeper Willie
Postman Pat
Dora the Explorer
Bob the Builder
Fireman Sam
Krusty the Clown

In another they were asked to identify from which European cities do the following football teams come

Real Madrid
Vienna Rapid
Steau Bucharest
Moscow Dynamo
Bayern Munich
Inter Milan

And to test their Mathematical skills they were asked how many members were there in the following Pop Music Acts

The Three Degrees
S Club Seven
Unit 4 + 2
The Dave Clark Five
The Four Tops
Simon and Garfunkel (I know what you're thinking. There was only one person in Simon and Garfunkel but old Art could sing and he had a crazy haircut)

One of my favourite answers was when asked to name a Marx Brother one contestant said Karl (and yes I know if we are being pedantic Karl Marx did have brothers but I don't recall seeing any of them in Duck Soup)

With this in mind I leave you this week with my Top 5 Bad Answers from Quiz Shows

1. University Challenge
What was Gandhi's first name?....................reply 'Goosey, Goosey'

2. Radio Phone-in Quiz with Phil Wood
Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er. . .
Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
Contestant: (Silence.)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant: Walked?

3. Radio Phone-in Quiz on Radio Norfolk
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . .?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So, who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

4.RICHARD AND JUDY (C4))
Presenter: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er. . .
Presenter: He makes bread. . .
Contestant: Err...
Presenter: He makes cakes . .
Contestant: Kipling Street?


5.STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (RADIO 2)
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus


Question...will this Blog improve next week when Young Ben is back

Answer.....Let's all hope so!

At the grotto in the greasy chair sits the Charlie with the lotion and the kinky hair

So my muse is still on holiday this week and no postcard has arrived yet from The Dominican Republic. I have to confess that my knowledge of The Dominican Republic is very weak. It was only when I looked it up that I discovered it shared the island of La Hispaniola with Haiti. I do recall that La Hispaniola was the name of the ship in Treasure Island. Christopher Columbus discovered it in 1492 although I imagine the existing inhabitants at that time already knew it was there. Santo Domingo became the site of the first permanent European settlement in The Americas, the country's capital and Spain's first capital in the New World

It has a population of around 10 million which is nearly twice that of Scotland. Santa Domingo itself has a population of just under 3 million which makes it about 5 times the size of Glasgow

The Dominican Republic has historically been under Spanish rule, French rule, been invaded by its neighbour Haiti several times and has received 'assistance' from the good old U.S. of A. just to make sure it did not become another Cuba. Lyndon B Johnson is quoted as having said "We don't propose to sit here in a rocking chair with our arms folded and let the Communists set up any government in the western hemisphere". Mr McCarthy would have been proud

Scenes from the movies The Godfather Part II and The Good Shepherd were filmed in Dominican Republic and depicted as Cuba and scenes from Apocalypse Now were also filmed there. Parts of Jurassic Park were also filmed here and they even have a Jurassic Park Hotel now (where you can search for your very own dinosaurs...good hunting!)

I really struggled on the famous people from The Dominican Republic, so I leave you this week with my Famous 5 Dominican Republicans

1. Mary Jo Fernandez.....female tennis player who reached (and lost) three Grand Slam Singles Tennis Finals but won two Grand Slam Doubles Titles and two Olympic Gold Medals (also at doubles)

2. Oscar de la Renta....world famous fashion designer (no, me neither)

3. Mariasela Alvarez...Miss World 1982 beating off stiff challenges from Finland, Switzerland and our own Delia Dolan (Miss UK)

4. Nelson de la Rosa....one time smallest man in the world (71cm tall) who appeared in the movie The Island of Dr. Moreau with Marlon Brando

5. Dania Ramirez....actress who has appeared in Heroes, The Sopranos and Entourage (she was an employee/girlfriend of Turtle)

Wow, that was tough. I hope my muse is back by next week

Drowning in the sea of love, where everyone would love to drown

So, Young Ben is away on holiday for two weeks with his mum and dad, once again leaving me here like Macaulay Culkin. Fortunately the Rugby World Cup has started as has the NFL season and the Champions League is back on later this week but I am sure I would have found time for Young Ben somewhere in my busy schedule

I was listening to one of my Spotify playlists which was made up of songs with names in the title and my family were well covered therein. My oldest son was a hit for Blondie in 1977, Ben's dad gets a mention at the end of the wonderful Beautiful Boy by John Lennon and my youngest was a hit for 10CC (no, not Donna). Ben has his own song sung by Michael Jackson (we will gloss over the fact that this haunting tune is about a rat) and his mum was a number 1 for Gilbert O'Sullivan in 1972

Whilst listening to my Playlist it struck me that I really wish that once in my life I had gone out with a girl called Sara or Rhiannon or maybe just Stevie Nicks herself.

I do remember going out with a girl called Cath....it took a lot to make her laugh...even when I called her Cathy and acted like a clown

....and then there was Ruby, never mind bent and paralyzed, I could be in bed with a cold and she would still take her love to town. Oh Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby and do ya, do ya, do ya, do ya know what ya doing, doing to me

Sue just gave me the runaround and then I found out she was a boy. Although when I called her by her full name Suzanne and told her I was sorry she did feed me tea and oranges that came all the way from China

Sylvia....her mother just hated me and her phone etiquette left a lot to be desired

Oh Mandy, why did I send her away when she kissed me and stopped me from shaking. I saw her walking on the water as the sharks were coming for me. I felt her pull me up, give me the kiss of life, just like the girl from Dr No No No No

I first encountered Mary in the fourth form. She was proud. We used to meet at her place where the wind cried her name. She had a little lamb that would lay back in her arms. She treated it like her boy child

Where it began with Caroline I can't begin to knowing but good times never seemed so good. When I'm thinking of her sleeping, I'm at home alone and weeping

I want Candy. In Candy's room there are pictures of her heroes on the wall but to get to Candy's room you gotta walk the distance of Candy's hall. Candy, pure as driven snow, come to me, you are not alone. Darling I'll bathe your skin, I'll even wash your clothes. I'm a sweet talkin' sugar coated Candy man

And finally there was the angel on my shoulder. Her name was Geraldine, she was my social worker

I leave you this week with Top 10 Songs with female names in title (not previously mentioned above)

1. Lady Lynda...........The Beach Boys
2. Layla......................Derek and the Dominoes
3. Angie.....................The Rolling Stones
4. Amie......................Damien Rice
5. Visions of Johanna..Bob Dylan
6. So Long Marianne...Leonard Cohen
7. Jenny was a Friend of Mine...Killers
8. Bernadette...............The Four Tops
9. Alison........................Elvis Costello
10. Romeo and Juliet....Dire Straits

ho, ho mo leannan, ho mo leannan bhoidheach

SCOTLAND VS CZECH REPUBLIC SATURDAY 02 SEPTEMBER 2011

0600 Wake up all excited. Decide it is still too early and go back to sleep
0700 Wake up all excited. Decide it is still too early and go back to sleep
0800 Radio alarm goes off. Sounds of the Sixties on Radio 2. Listen out for any songs that might be good omens like Chubby Czecher or Emile Ford and The Czech-mates. Have to make do with Freddy Cannon singing California Here I Come which was a favourite of my late dad when sung by Al Jolson. I take that as a good sign
1000 After shower and Shreddies study results and group positions after games played on Friday night to see who we want to come up against in the Play-Offs. How does Turkey in November sound? (sounds a bit like Thanksgiving)
1300 Mate arrives from Millport and he, my eldest son and I head down towards Hampden stopping for a light refreshment on the way
1445 .....'and I would walk 500 more'
1450.....'it's one for the Dagger, another for the one you believe'
1458......' and sent him homeward to think again'.....C'MON SCOTLAND
1505 Milan Baros shoots over the bar from close range. Usual confident start from Scotland
1544 Out of nowhere Scotland score with their first meaningful effort on target. Czech keeper 'has a mare'
1550 Half-time. Have a sit down. Despite paying £30 for a seat everyone in the stand chooses to remain standing for the entire game
1555 'where me and my true love will never meet again' C'MON SCOTLAND
1600 Tactical genius Craig Levein decides to sit back and defend for the second half. We forecast Czech Republic will equalise with 5 minutes to go
1633 We are 7 minutes out with prediction. Czech Republic equalise. For some reason we do not have a full-back amongst our substitutes so bring on an inexperienced centre-half instead to play left-back when Bardsley goes off injured. He is caught out for the goal
1638 unbelievably Scotland take the lead again as Miller takes advantage of a defensive mistake and crosses for Darren Fletcher to score. The crowd go wild
1645 not so unbelievably a Czech player goes down in the box like Tom Daley and the ref gives a penalty. 2-2
1648 Christophe Berra is fouled in the box but the referee decides to book him for diving rather than give a penalty. The game's a bogey!
1650 Time up. Once more Scotland have snatched defeat (or in this case a draw) from the jaws of victory
1715 Arrive at pub for some serious sorrow drowning
1930 Someone (not me) suggests it is time for a Patron XO Cafe Tequila which is unsurprisingly a mix of tequila and coffee. This is not the only time this hideous mixture is sampled during the course of the evening
2230 I decide it is time to go home and take a taxi up the road
2300..Masochism n. a willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences Obviously I watch the highlights of the football when I get home and see nothing to change my mind on either penalty
2345 I fall asleep watching The Bourne Ultimatum and thinking that we could have done with Jason in defence today
0600 I wake up with a hangover and a strange taste of coffee in my mouth. I have no idea where that came from. I don't like coffee