just like that river twisting through a dusty land

Recently my reading and viewing prefences seem to have been taken over by the Scandinavians. I thoroughly enjoyed the excellent TV series 'The Bridge' which was a joint Swedish/Danish production and I am currently watching the second series of 'The Killing'.Unfortunately I missed the Danish version of this so I have had to make do with the US version which has some interesting characters but seems to take an hour each week to tell you something that could have been covered in ten minutes.

I finally read 'The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo' trilogy and then watched the corresponding movies in Swedish. They were very good although they missed huge chunks out of the books and seemed to work to a complete reverse theory to the makers of 'The Killing', introducing characters and events with no back-up information whatsoever. It was intriguing to read about the author Stieg Larsson and the Conspiracy Theories surrounding his own untimely death

I then moved from Sweden to Norway and started reading Jo Nesbo and his collection of novels featuring Oslo detective Harry Hole, a complex and completely likeable character. I was surprised to discover, therefore, that a movie has been made of a Jo Nesbo novel and that this turned out to be ' Headhunters' which I believe is his only book not to feature Harry Hole. I read ' Headhunters' and was very disappointed. It was one of those books which seems to have been written with the sole purpose of being made into a movie, a bit like the later Hannibal Lecter related novels by Thomas Harris

I am not a huge fan of watching foreign language movies. Sometimes my eyes shut for a moment or two and I may miss a pivotal moment. Also if I  nip off to make a cup of tea, where normally I would still hear and understand what was going on, this does not work if they are speaking Swedish or Spanish or whatever

Notwithstanding I have seen some excellent sub-titled movies and here is a list of my favourite 10

1. City Of God (2002)...breathtaking epic tale of two boys growing up in a violent neighbourhood in Rio de Janeiro
2. Life is Beautiful (1997)...superb performance from Roberto Benigni as the Jewish romantic in 1930s Italy
3. Waltz With Bashir (2008)...powerful animated movie about the Israeli invasion of Lebanon
4. Mesrine (2008)....two part movie based on the real life French gangster. Vincent Cassel is mesmerising as the charismatic Jacques Mesrine
5. Ringu (Ring) (1998)....the 2002 English language version with Naomi Watts was spooky enough but the Japanese really know how to scare you
6. Amores Perros (2000)...three interconnected stories based around a car accident in Mexico City
7. The Lives of Others (2006)...the workings of the infamous Stasi in 1984 East Berlin
8. A Prophet (2009)...harrowing tale of a young Arab man sent to a French prison and his subsequent rise to power
9. Y Tu Mama Tambien (2001)...two teenage Mexican friends go on a road trip with an attractive older woman
10. Incendies (2010)..a bleak tale set with the backdrop of the Lebanese Civil War

C'est tout pour cette semaine!
Auf Wiedersehen mis Amigos!
Ciao!

To lead a better life, I need my love to be here

Today is the 70^th birthday of Sir Paul McCartney. His music had a large influence on my life when I was younger although as a Beatles fan I must confess to being a Lennon man not a McCartney one

When the Beatles split up I gave McCartney the benefit of the doubt and purchased albums such as McCartney, Ram, Red Rose Speedway, Band On The Run and Venus and Mars in the early to mid 70s but apart from perhaps a Wings Greatest Hits CD, Venus and Mars in 1975 was the last time I paid money for any non-Beatles music associated with Mr McCartney.

The standard of his output since that time has in my opinion been generally fairly poor and his performance at the recent Jubilee Concert was hardly memorable

However in recognition of his undoubted contribution to modern music, this week I give you three personal lists. The first is my Top 10 Favourite Beatles tracks largely attributed to McCartney and the second and third the Top 10 Worst Songs and Best Songs associated with him since he left The Beatles

These are done purely on personal taste with no regards to artistic merit or lack thereof

Top 10 McCartney Beatles Songs

            

1. Here There and Everywhere (1966)…from the iconic ‘Revolver’ album
2. And I Love Her (1964)…from my favourite Beatles’ album ‘A Hard Day’s Night
3. All My Loving (1963)…’I’ll pretend that I’m kissing the lips I am missing’
4. The Fool On The Hill (1967)…I remember watching Magical Mystery Tour and being enthralled at the time
5. P.S. I Love You (1962)…quite concerning that this song is now 50 years old
6. Blackbird (1968)….’all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise’
7. Things We Said Today (1964)…another from the faultless ‘A Hard Day’s Night’
8. Lady Madonna (1968)…a number 1 in that year
9. Helter Skelter (1968)…The Beatles get heavy in a song forever associated with Charles Manson
10. Hey Jude (1968)…a classic allegedly written for Lennon’s son Julian

No place for the widely covered but in my opinion vastly overrated ‘Yesterday’ or ‘Yellow Submarine’ which although not a great song has a place in my heart as there is a version sung by Ayr United fans which refers to former Kilmarnock manager Bobby Williamson and something about a monkey’s head

10 Worst Post-Beatles McCartney Songs

1. We All Stand Together (with the Frog Chorus) (1984)…..just embarrassing
2. Mull of Kintyre (1977)…this dirge just seemed to go on forever
3. Ebony and Ivory (1982)…I love Stevie Wonder but this duet was cringingly bad
4. The Girl Is Mine (1982)…another horrendous duet, this time with Michael Jackson
5. Say, Say, Say (1983)…..”that worked out so well Michael, let’s do it again”
6. Spies Like Us  (1985)…bad song, bad film
7. Wonderful Christmas Time (1979)…not a great fan of cheesy Christmas songs and this did nothing to change my mind
8. Pipes Of Peace (1983)..the ‘B’ side in the UK was called ‘So Bad’. Very appropriate
9. Give Ireland Back To The Irish (1972)…political comment from Mr McCartney. Banned by the BBC
10. Mary Had A Little Lamb (1972)…supposedly issued as a response to the ban. Regardless, a truly awful song

Top 10 Post-Beatles McCartney Songs

1. Maybe I’m Amazed (1970)..this excellent track on his debut solo album suggested future promise. Sadly this was as good as it got
2. Just Another Day (1971)…his first solo single, kept off Number 1 spot by George Harrison’s ‘My Sweet Lord’
3. Band On The Run (1973)…from the album of the same name
4. Jet (1973)…best track on the ‘Band On The Run’ album
5. Silly Love Songs (1976)….I have no idea why but I really like this song. Very catchy
6. Listen What The Man Said (1975)…stand out track from the disappointing ‘Venus And Mars’ album
7. Let ’Em In (1976)…I actually prefer the version by Billy Paul who changed the people that were “knocking at the door”
8. Live And Let Die (1973)…this theme song was probably the only plus point of the movie which saw Roger Moore play James Bond for the first time
9. My Love (1973)…really struggling to reach 10 here. This song was the best track on the ‘Red Rose Speedway’ album
10. Goodnight Tonight (1979)….ok

Anyway Happy Birthday Sir Paul

'Don't keep me waiting here, lead me to your door'

...a glowing light will see you through, it's your day, shining day, all your dreams come true

With the start of the Euro 2012 footie tournament Young Ben and I were picking our Fantasy Teams last week

This is a task which takes hours of preparation, careful research into squads and fixtures, plotting out the results all the way to the final with the added restriction of only being allowed two players from any one country and being Scottish, obviously having no England players in my team



My team reflected this deep analysis and understanding of the tournament, Ben's team less so

My team had Casillas of Spain in goal and a back four of Corluka (Croatia), Pique (Spain) Boenisch (Poland) and Boateng (Germany). I then had a midfield three of Polanski (Eugen not Roman) from Poland, Sneijder (Holland) and Khedira (Germany). The strength of my team was up front with Arshavin (Russia), Jelavic (Croatia) and Van Persie (Holland) although after watching last night's performance Robin has a lot of making up to do.

You have a budget for your team so that to be able to choose stars like Sneijder and Van Persie for your team you also have to include players you have never heard of from Poland. It is a highly skilled delicate, balancing act

Ben's team did not reflect this

In goal he went for Daddy Pig, father of the more famous Peppa.
I think he thought Mr Pig's considerable girth would fill most of the goal making it difficult to get the ball past him

A goalkeeper in the mould of Tommy Lawrence who played for Liverpool in the 60s

At right back was Goofy, a 'dogged' defender

If you are planning to play defensive and 'park the bus' to quote Mr Mourinho why not just pick a bus as one of your central defenders. Hence the inclusion of Hippobus from Jungle Junction

Melman from Madagascar was his other central defender. If you are looking for height at the back you should always have a giraffe in your team. It certainly worked for England with Jack Charlton

At left back was Curious George. He just likes George so he had to find a place for him somewhere in the team

Wide right of a midfield four was Postman Pat. If you are looking for a player to put crosses into the penalty area Pat always delivers

He wanted a hard working central midfield with a strong engine so rather predictably he went for Thomas and Edward. Not a lot of creativity there though. It's like playing De Jong and Van Bommel in the same team. Are you listening Mr Van Marwijk?

Completing his midfield was Pluto. His skills are simply out of this world. I was going to say he was on another planet but we all know that is no longer the case and "he was on another dwarf planet" just doesn't quite work

Star striker is Fireman Sam. He is on fire at the moment, which is a bit worrying for a fireman but he is the hero next door so I am sure he will save the day as always

Completing his forward line was Zooter from Jungle Junction. Zooter has a terrific turn of pace. I guess having wheels instead of legs helps with that. A striker in the style of Craig Bellamy and almost as annoying

He wanted to play his Special Agent Oso Jigsaw up front but I managed to convince him he always goes to pieces in the box

He chose a joint managerial partnership of Mickey Mouse and Peppa Pig who are both equally adept at bossing people around and giving orders

Ben's mum seems to think that Ben already has an unnatural interest in football thanks to his dad and his grandpa. I really don't know where she is coming from there

I'll top the bill! I'll overkill! I have to find the will to carry on

THE HRH FACTOR

Hello and welcome to the Grand Final of the HRH Factor. The Royal Rumble if you will to determine the outright Windsor of our Talent Show for Toffs

Last week we lost cheeky chappie Ed with his emotional rendition of ‘When Will I Be Famous’. Sorry, Ed, the public have spoken and the answer would appear to be never.

We also lost that lovable duo Andy and Fergie, specially reunited for the show. However it appears that ‘Something Stupid’, although incredibly apt for them, did not produce the required response from our voters

And so we are down to our last four contestants. Let’s have a big bow and curtsey for our first finalist. It’s Her Maj.

Maj, in previous weeks you have given us ‘Everybody’s Got to Learn Sometime’ by your beloved Korgis and ‘The Show Must Go On’ by Queen, subtle one there Maj. What are you going to sing for us this week?

“One is going to perform ‘One Will Survive”

Is that ‘I Will Survive’ by Gloria Gaynor?

“Yes, that is what one said you stupid fellow”

………………………………………………

OK great stuff there from Maj. Now we have finalist number 2. Give it up for Chas everybody

Chas, you have previously sung ‘Tired of Waiting’ and ‘I Talk to the Trees’. I understand tonight you are going to sing a Paul Anka song. Is it ‘Diana’?

“I think not, young chap. It’s called ‘In My Imagination’ and I will be singing it wearing a crown”

………………………………………………….

Good effort, Chas. Pity that crown kept slipping from your head but I don’t think anyone noticed

Let’s hear it for contestant number 3. It’s Harmonic Phil. In previous weeks we have heard ‘Still Crazy After All These Years’ and ‘We Don’t Shoot Anymore’. What’s it going to be this week Phil?

“Tonight, I will be performing ‘Greece Lightning’ since after all Greece is the word”

It surely is Phil. Best of luck with that

…………………………………

OK and now for our final finalist (who writes this stuff). It’s the tournament favourite.

It’s Wills.

In previous weeks we loved ‘Prince Charming’ and ‘I’m Too Sexy For My Dad’. What is going to be your winning (sorry final) song tonight Your Willsness

“Tonight, I will be singing that old White Plains song ‘When You Are A King’. If you listen carefully to the lyrics you will note there is an almost subliminal message contained therein. I hope you are all intelligent enough to grasp it. I was”

Noble words your Nobleness, let’s hear it for our HRH Factor Winner Wills