I'll top the bill! I'll overkill! I have to find the will to carry on

THE HRH FACTOR

Hello and welcome to the Grand Final of the HRH Factor. The Royal Rumble if you will to determine the outright Windsor of our Talent Show for Toffs

Last week we lost cheeky chappie Ed with his emotional rendition of ‘When Will I Be Famous’. Sorry, Ed, the public have spoken and the answer would appear to be never.

We also lost that lovable duo Andy and Fergie, specially reunited for the show. However it appears that ‘Something Stupid’, although incredibly apt for them, did not produce the required response from our voters

And so we are down to our last four contestants. Let’s have a big bow and curtsey for our first finalist. It’s Her Maj.

Maj, in previous weeks you have given us ‘Everybody’s Got to Learn Sometime’ by your beloved Korgis and ‘The Show Must Go On’ by Queen, subtle one there Maj. What are you going to sing for us this week?

“One is going to perform ‘One Will Survive”

Is that ‘I Will Survive’ by Gloria Gaynor?

“Yes, that is what one said you stupid fellow”

………………………………………………

OK great stuff there from Maj. Now we have finalist number 2. Give it up for Chas everybody

Chas, you have previously sung ‘Tired of Waiting’ and ‘I Talk to the Trees’. I understand tonight you are going to sing a Paul Anka song. Is it ‘Diana’?

“I think not, young chap. It’s called ‘In My Imagination’ and I will be singing it wearing a crown”

………………………………………………….

Good effort, Chas. Pity that crown kept slipping from your head but I don’t think anyone noticed

Let’s hear it for contestant number 3. It’s Harmonic Phil. In previous weeks we have heard ‘Still Crazy After All These Years’ and ‘We Don’t Shoot Anymore’. What’s it going to be this week Phil?

“Tonight, I will be performing ‘Greece Lightning’ since after all Greece is the word”

It surely is Phil. Best of luck with that

…………………………………

OK and now for our final finalist (who writes this stuff). It’s the tournament favourite.

It’s Wills.

In previous weeks we loved ‘Prince Charming’ and ‘I’m Too Sexy For My Dad’. What is going to be your winning (sorry final) song tonight Your Willsness

“Tonight, I will be singing that old White Plains song ‘When You Are A King’. If you listen carefully to the lyrics you will note there is an almost subliminal message contained therein. I hope you are all intelligent enough to grasp it. I was”

Noble words your Nobleness, let’s hear it for our HRH Factor Winner Wills