In years gone by when my sons were still at home Eurovision night used to be a lot of fun in our house and by lot of fun I mean drunken chaos
We had our own drinking game and my mate would produce laminated cards for all the countries (he has way too much spare time on his hands). You picked your country for each round and drinks were awarded dependant on how many points they scored
The advent of Sky+ made this much easier as you could pause while the drinks were being sorted out.
With 42 countries voting it also meant that we were still going long after the programme was finished on TV.
For the last couple of years my mate and I have done a much lower key version but this year he was away on holiday and I decided to watch it sober. Bad decision!
Here is my analytical report on the participants and their songs in the order they appeared
1. UK.....Engelbert....sad, dated song from a sad, dated singer
2. Hungary...a group called Compact Disco showed that 80s music has reached Hungary
3. Albania....my Albanian is not great but this did not seem like a cheery song and the singer had what appeared to be a large dead rat on her head
4. Lithuania...nice young chap called Donny sang 'Love is Blind' and wore a blindfold whilst doing so. Clever stuff, Donny
5. Bosnia and Herzegovina...it's always good when you have a country named after a bra model. A pleasant lady sang 'Barry Manilow' style at a piano
6. Russia....Really? From the country that gave us Tolstoy, Dostoevsky and Solzhenitsyn came the geriatric cheeky girls. Bring back the Revolution!
7. Iceland...nondescript song but an attractive blond playing the violin
8. Cyprus...Liv Tyler look alike dancing on a table of bricks. Jennifer Lopez called and asked for her song back
9. France....Mon Dieu! At least the male gymnasts made Graham Norton's night
10. Italy......I quite liked this one, very much in the Amy Winehouse mould
11. Estonia...Ronan Keating double sings 'Without You' double
12. Norway..strange mixture of east/west music and choreography
13. Azerbaijan..the song was called 'When The Music Dies'. No further comment required
14. Romania ...girl in a short dress with 'wacky' backing group. Awful song!
15. Denmark...a song entitled 'Should Have Known Better'. By this spot in the evening I was in total agreement
16. Greece...."You make me dance like a maniac, you make me want your aphrodisiac" No wonder the Greeks are in trouble
17. Sweden...Well produced dance tune. Easy to see why it was strong favourite
18. Turkey.....Time to make a cup of tea to avoid making any stereotypical, sexist comments
19. Spain......Proper singer singing a proper song. What was she doing here?
20. Germany...Justin Timberlake 'look' reaches Germany
21. Malta.......Ah those crazy Maltesers! This song would make the Maltese cross
22. FYR Macedonia...FYI Dreadful
23. Ireland...Jedward...I always try not to use offensive language in my blog so I think I will just take the Fifth here
24. Serbia..the song was called 'Love is Not a Thing'...it's always good to know that a lot of time and effort has gone into the lyrics of a song. Perhaps there are a shortage of thesauri in Serbia
25. Ukraine..I had a tip from the chap who gave me the winner last year and I had to wait until the 25th song to see where my £10 had gone. I was not feeling confident after hearing it
26. Moldova...singer dressed like a camp Indiana Jones with a Saturdays styled backing group. Not Good!
In the end Sweden won by a gazillion points and I promised myself that I would never again watch this programme without a drink in my hand
Never mind the Euros start soon. It's days since I watched a game of football
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