So, I had a meeting at the BBC this week to try and sell them some of my latest scriptwriting ideas
The first one was personal. It was to be a reality show based on the trials and tribulations of a grandfather looking after a troublesome child. It was to be called Ben Behaving Badly. Unfortunately (that should really read fortunately) Young Ben is such an angel that I have had to shelve this idea. Perhaps I can revisit it when he reaches the Terrible Twos.
Then there was the story of the tough talking, hard drinking female Scottish lawyer, it was called Swally McBeal
Next was another reality show about a group of women from Cowdenbeath who try to lose weight using a new diet that only allows them to eat one particular chocolate bar....it's called Fife On Mars
Following on from the success of The Scheme I had an idea for a documentary dealing with the lives of drug dealers and their customers in Pollock. I even had optional titles for that one....Top Gear or Whose Line is it Anyway
And staying in Glasgow there was the comedy series set in a Govanhill off-licence....Have I Got Booze For You
I could tell I was losing them so I started to bring out the big guns. A show to find the the lead singer for a Shakespeare Musical about a King who tests his daughters before dividing up his kingdom.....Sing Lear
Or the competition for farmers to take on an obstacle course in their own machines...The X Tractor
The first one was personal. It was to be a reality show based on the trials and tribulations of a grandfather looking after a troublesome child. It was to be called Ben Behaving Badly. Unfortunately (that should really read fortunately) Young Ben is such an angel that I have had to shelve this idea. Perhaps I can revisit it when he reaches the Terrible Twos.
Then there was the story of the tough talking, hard drinking female Scottish lawyer, it was called Swally McBeal
Next was another reality show about a group of women from Cowdenbeath who try to lose weight using a new diet that only allows them to eat one particular chocolate bar....it's called Fife On Mars
Following on from the success of The Scheme I had an idea for a documentary dealing with the lives of drug dealers and their customers in Pollock. I even had optional titles for that one....Top Gear or Whose Line is it Anyway
And staying in Glasgow there was the comedy series set in a Govanhill off-licence....Have I Got Booze For You
I could tell I was losing them so I started to bring out the big guns. A show to find the the lead singer for a Shakespeare Musical about a King who tests his daughters before dividing up his kingdom.....Sing Lear
Or the competition for farmers to take on an obstacle course in their own machines...The X Tractor
Then there was the in depth expose of Scottish Transport Minister Stewart Stevenson and his awareness and weather forecasting prowess during last year's road fiasco in Scotland. I believe he picked the title for that one himself...A Touch Of Frost
But I saved the coup de grace for last. It had all the ingredients viewers love today....vampires, celebrity sportsmen, cooking....Colin Montgomery is opening a new restaurant so he asks Dracula to help him cook the perfect steak (vampires..steak...see what I did there). This one is called The Count Of Monty's Bistro
They said not to call them but that they would call me. Strangely that is also what women always say to me so I am not sure that is a good thing. Oh well back to that unfinished novel
Enough already! My brain can't take any more puns. Or, in the words of a folk singing purveyor of natural aromatic infusions asking for a cat with a sticky confectionary auricle - "I'm a-sell herbal tea. Get miaow toffee ear"
ReplyDeleteSurprised you didn't pitch for some more documentaries:
ReplyDeleteBehind the scenes at Westminster - Criminal Minds
Nick Clegg's role in Government - The Weakest Link
Travelling with the Ayr United Supporters Club - Two and a half men
And why is your other reader, Snap, known as the King of Queens?