You look like an angel, walk like an angel, talk like an angel, but I got wise

Well it's that time of the year again. Young Ben and I used our extra hour last night to discuss our costumes for tomorrow night.

I plan to go as the new Old Spice Man. I think I have all the bases covered, I just need to find a horse from somewhere.

Ben wants to go as a pirate which should be easy since he hasn't taken his costume off since his party and that fake tatoo isn't proving so fake after all.

I told him he could stick a knife in a box of Corn Flakes and go as a cereal killer but he told me his mum does not let him play with Corn Flakes

As part of my Blog research this week (and by research I mean ripping off other people's Blogs) I came across some extremely inappropriate Halloween costumes for kids

Some of these were just tacky like the Village People and Baby Pimp costumes

But then there were the downright offensive. I do not consider myself a prude but a black slave costume, REALLY?

This reminds me of the Family Guy episode where Chris comes downstairs with his face blacked out to go trick-or-treating as Bill Cosby and his mum says  "Chris, you can't just walk around in blackface. It's racist. Now go upstairs and put on that Indian chief costume I bought you".

And then we have the winner of the bad taste costumes.....the suicide bomber. What kind of person sends their son out dressed like this as a joke

I then looked at Halloween scenes from the movies, particularly those which were not just meant to scare us.
Here is my Top 5

1. ET.............our lovable little alien wants to fix the wound caused by the fake knife through Michael's head and then meets Yoda in the street. Brilliant! I cannot wait until Ben is old enough to watch ET. I hate crying on my own
2. The Karate Kid.....Daniel-san goes to the fancy dress party dressed as a shower but still falls foul of the nasty Cobra Kai (this is the original 1984 version. I have not seen the recent remake)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird......Scout and Jem are saved by the mysterious Boo Radley
4. Donnie Darko......................strange movie....creepy rabbit.....nuff said
5. Halloween.............any scene with Jamie Lee Curtis is a good scene in my book

I leave you this week with my Top 10 Halloween related songs

1. Thriller.......................Michael Jackson (probably the best music video ever made)
2. Monster Mash....................Bobby 'Boris' Pickett
3. Le Freak............................Chic
4. (Don't Fear) The Reaper.......Blue Oyster Cult
5. Halloween............................Sonic Youth
6. Devil In Disguise...................Elvis Presley
7. There's A Ghost In My House...R Dean Taylor
8. I Put A Spell On You................Screamin' Jay Hawkins
9. Bad Moon Rising......................Creedence Clearwater Revival
10. She's Not There.....................The Zombies

I hope you appreciate that I refrained from including one of my all time favourite songs Disguise In Love With You by Herb Alpert

Anyway ' a horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse' . Otherwise I will have to dig out the Mr Blobby costume once again (hope it still fits)

I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

WOW!

For a man who likes his sport, today has been a bit special.

I forewent my morning jog today to settle down with my cereal to watch The Rugby World Cup Final and it certainly did not disappoint. I have been following the tournament since it kicked off what seems like months ago, have watched all the big matches, seen Scotland robbed by Argentina and  fall just short against England, watched a very poor England lose to France (Allez les Bleus!), failed to understand how Australia managed to win against South Africa and then enjoyed the All Blacks demolition of The Aussies in the semis, but today was just something else.

In a titanic struggle the French gave absolutely everything but the All Blacks survived and ended 24 years of pain. They were without doubt the outstanding team of the tournament and dealt admirably with the weighty expectations of such a Rugby obsessed nation. They also dealt with not only the loss of possibly the best player in the world in Dan Carter, but by the end of the final were fielding their fourth choice fly half Stephen Donald, who just for good measure kicked what proved to be the winning penalty. They were led by the incomparable Richie McCaw, the epitome of a living legend. New Zealand Prime Minister John Key is quoted as having said that he had a dream that Richie McCaw would lift the World Cup and then stand as leader of the opposition to him in the forthcoming elections. I think that would have been a landslide victory

I could not help but feel some sympathy for the French. I thought they were immense. Although Dusautoir won Man of the Match, I thought Trinh-Duc was outstanding and had a particularly amazing run only stopped by a brilliant tap tackle from Weepu. They can return home with their tetes held high

So now the big three of New Zealand, Australia and South Africa have all won the tournament twice each with another country having won it once.

Today's final was up there with the best of them for pure passion and excitement and perhaps only equalled by the 1995 final and the involvement of Mr Mandela and all that the victory for South Africa encompassed

I look forward to 2015 in England. Hopefully Young Ben and I will see Scotland qualify for the knockout stages down the road.

Then this afternoon I watched two very strange football matches.

Manchester City destroyed Manchester United 6-1, running riot in the second half after the red card for Jonny Evans. I fully accept that Sir Alex knows a good deal more about football than I do, but starting with Evans. Really? In the end the naivety shown by United chasing the game was reminiscent of that displayed by Arsenal earlier in the season at Old Trafford. Looks like the noisy neighbours will not be moving anytime soon. Game on me thinks!

Then there was the QPR v Chelsea game. Let me state from the outset that I am not a lover of Chelsea. I used to admire them back in the days of Osgood and Charlie Cooke but the but the on and off field antics of the likes of Mr Terry and Mr Cole do nothing for me these days.

That having been said, in the second half today playing with 9 men they totally outplayed QPR who were hanging on like grim death at the end. I also felt the penalty which produced the only goal was very soft and the first red card fairly harsh although Drogba could have no complaints and is a mere shadow now of the player who has terrorised defences in the Premier League in recent seasons. Anyway QPR have their own 'enfant terrible' in Joey Barton and speaking as a Sunderland fan he is obviously not one of my favourite footballers (and I use the term footballer here in the broadest of senses)

Both games provided excellent entertainment for the fairly neutral viewer

As a chap who used to play for Chelsea once said 'It's a funny old game'

Well you don't know what we can see, why don't you tell your dreams to me, fantasy will set you free

Yesterday would have been my dad's birthday. He was born on 15 October 1920 and died on 28 May 2007

He grew up in The Calton in Glasgow, the oldest of four sons and two daughters.Although from a humble working class background, from a very early age he had a passion for reading and would devour whatever literature he could lay his hands on.Over the years he read Dickens, Tolstoy, Steinbeck, Walter Scott, Conan Doyle to name but a few and encouraged his sons to do likewise

He left school at 7 (OK that's an exaggeration, I believe he was 14) and went to work in Templetons Carpet Factory at Glasgow Green, a fabulous building whose spectacular facade, inspired by The Doge's Palace in Venice, is still as impressive today as it must have been back then when my dad first walked through its doors

My dad remained in Carpet Manufacturing all his working life being a loom tuner for most of it. In his later years he was a factory manager but I think he still preferred to be 'hands on'

My two older brothers were born in the late 40s when he was still working in Glasgow, but he was never one to shirk a new challenge, so after spells in Kendal and Bonnyrigg (where I was born) he accepted an offer to go and work in South Africa. Our family set sail in 1955 and rumour has it that I actually learned to walk on the ship, which might explain my tendency to list from side to side on occasion

It is one of my great regrets that because I was so young when we lived in Isipingo Beach near Durban that I remember little of our time over there. We stayed there for five years and then my mum and dad decided to come home and he accepted a position at Gray's Carpet Factory in Ayr

We were there for ten years but even at the age of 50 my dad decided a new challenge was required and we moved down to County Durham where my dad became manager at Riding Hall Carpets in Willington. By this time my brothers had left home and I was the only one left at home. I have mentioned my times in England before so I will not bore you with them again, suffice to say that, although I was filled with dread at the thought of moving south, the years I spent down there were some of the best years of my life

By the time my dad finally left Willington in the early 80s I had already returned to Scotland, so after a journey lasting around 35 years my mum and dad eventually arrived back in their native Glasgow

I remember holidays with my mum and dad often involved long bouts of driving. I recall touring the Highlands with them in a caravanette, driving to France and beyond in a Mini and touring Ireland in 1966 during the World Cup. I recall my dad kissing The Blarney Stone and even at the age of 12 I remember thinking this was somewhat of a superfluous gesture from him. Blarney was not a commodity in which he was found lacking.

Even in his 70s and 80s he still had a way of charming the ladies which I have never possessed at any time during my life. This was somewhat disconcerting at times. We could be walking along the prom at Rothesay in mid conversation when he would come across a young lady and that was the end of our conversation. His attention was immediately elsewhere

In his later years he still loved travelling and accompanied my family on holidays to Cyprus, Lanzarote and Florida. I remember one day in Florida we were going to play mini-golf and we came across an armadillo just wandering along the side of the road. My dad loved this because he had never encountered one before. Even at that age achieving another 'first' was special to him

About 10 years ago he and I went back to Galway for the weekend as there was a direct flight from Glasgow. We walked along the front from Galway to Salthill and stopped at a bench for a rest. My dad was always one for a quick nap so lay down on the grass and was out in seconds. I finally gave up explaining to concerned passers-by that he was nothing more serious than asleep. Eventually he woke up with his familiar words "I must have dozed off"

He was a great lover of Rabbie Burns and in later years one of the highlights of his year was being asked along to an Annual Charity Burns Supper in Glasgow at which my oldest brother had a table. Part of his enjoyment was the recitals of the poems and songs of our Great Bard but I believe even more than that was bearing witness to the success of my brother which filled my dad with pride.

My dad liked a good whisky, something which he did not pass on to me, but yesterday I toasted him with a beer. Wherever he is, I hope they have a good library

A prince can mak a belted knight,
A marquis, duke, an' a' that;
But an honest man's abon his might,
Gude faith, he maunna fa' that!
For a' that, an' a' that,
Their dignities an' a' that;
The pith o' sense, an' pride o' worth,
Are higher rank than a' that  

Fifteen men on a dead man's chest, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum

So, not so Young Ben celebrated his first birthday last week and the adults of our family spent the whole weekend celebrating same.

My youngest son flew up from London for the weekend with his Australian girlfriend and even for a young lady who comes from a land 'where beer does flow and men chunder' I think a weekend in Glasgow with our brood came as a bit of a culture shock

I knew it was going to be a good weekend when I rose early on Saturday morning to watch our partners in The Auld Alliance knock the Sassenachs out of the Rugby World Cup and send them homeward to think again (probably about sacking Martin Johnson)

Then in the evening we even managed to witness Scotland win a game as we quaffed a few beers while we trounced the mighty Lichtenstein 1-0. All we have to do now is get a result away to the reigning World and European Champions. It's in the bag

Sunday arrived, along with a slight hangover, and this was the day of Ben's Pirate Party. Grown-ups and children arrived in their Pirate costumes. I believe some adults liked the costumes so much they may well have turned up for work on Monday morning still dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow

There was a bouncy castle  and a soft play area which were frequented by both kids and adults although my hook and wooden leg did make life in the bouncy castle somewhat difficult. As the afternoon wore on I decided it was time to let my parrot fly free as he had been giving me lip all day. The last I saw him he was heading for Govanhill. I may well see him again in a curry later in the week

Young Ben was obviously the star of the show. As gifts from friends and family he received an array of toys which would shame Hamleys and will probably spend most of this week writing Thank You cards

The party was a great success. Planks were walked, keels were hauled, treasures were found, mizzen was hoisted, hearties were ahoyed, yardarms were hung from and the least said about the poop deck the better. There were no tantrums and no fights and even the children behaved themselves. By the end of the day I was exhausted. When Ben's mum suggested he and I went home for a kip it was music to my buccaneers.

On that note, I will leave you this week with my Top 10 Pirate Movies

1. Captain Blood (1935)...with the wonderful Errol Flynn, the dashingest blade of them all

2. The Back Pirate (1926)...with the acrobatic Douglas Fairbanks

3. The Black Swan (1942)..starring Tyrone Power..
 "Now put your shirt on. You look much too naked for a decent English gentleman."

4. The Crimson Pirate (1952) with one of my all time favourites Burt Lancaster as the beaming Captain Vallo
     Vallo: "Why did you bolt your cabin door last night?"
     Consuelo: "If you knew it was bolted you must have tried it. If you tried it, you know why it was     bolted."

5. Peter Pan (1953) ...Mr Disney doing what he did best

6. Swiss Family Robinson (1960)...I remember going to the movies to see this one as a young boy...featuring James Macarthur.."Book him, Danno" from the original Hawaii Five-O

7. Pirates of the Caribbean (2003)...Johnny Depp makes pirates cool again

8. Treasure Island (1950)...Robert Newton brilliant as Long John Silver
     "Them that die will be the lucky ones!"

9. The Goonies (1985) ...featuring a young Josh Brolin and a criminal gang led by Mama Fratelli that came from the same school of ineptitude as the criminals in Home Alone
Mama Fratelli: "Kids suck!"

10. The Island (1980)... Michael Caine in an extremely bad movie taken from an extremely bad book by Peter Benchley the author of the excellent 'Jaws'

Sorry, I have tried my best to resist but I can't leave you without at least one pirate joke

A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns telling about their adventures on the seas. The sailor notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook and an eye patch.

The sailor asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies: "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the sailor. "What about the hook?"

"Well," replied the pirate, "we were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" said the sailor. "And how did you get the eye patch?"

"A seagull-dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull-dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

"Well," said the pirate,"it was my first day with the hook..."

...faster than lightning, no-one you see, is smarter than he

He's back!!!

After what seemed like an eternity Young Ben has returned from holiday with tales of his adventures in The Dominican Republic and apparently the highlight of his trip was a Dolphin Tale. During a visit to Ocean World in Puerto Plata the youngster went swimming with dolphins and encountered a new lifelong friend in Dexter the Dolphin.

Dexter had a partner called Bucito and it was difficult to tell them apart. They looked just like two dolphins in a pod, but it was Dexter who took a shine to Young Ben. In the pool jumping through hoops, balancing a ball on his nose and catching fish in mid-air. Dexter said that he could also do all these tricks but he enjoyed watching Ben do them anyway.

He told Ben tales of his great uncle Flipper who became a movie star and had his own TV Series. No matter how famous Flipper became he would always send fish for his family back home. Flipper had encounters with trapped friends in sunken boats, sharks, spies, pirates, alligators and mines but in all the trains and banks he robbed, he never shot anyone. If ever he had a tough decision to make he would just Flipper coin.

Dexter was very proud of his dad who became mascot for a certain American Football team situated in Miami and whenever Dan Marino needed anyone to go really long he was always first choice

There was also an aunt who left for the big time and appeared on Top Of The Pops dancing with Ruby Flipper, but the family didn't like to talk about her much. She never sent fish home

After work Dexter and Ben hung out and watched TV. Dexter's favourite programme was 'Whale Of Fortune'. Ben asked him if he wanted to play 'Ecco The Dolphin' on his Mega Drive but he said he preferred 'Grand Theft Auto-Atlantis'

Apparently Dexter was nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for his part in the new movie 'Dolphin Tale' but lost out to his favourite actor Dolph Lundgren

Ben says that he and Dexter are going to stay in touch using sea-mail. I think that's excellent. It's always good to have a porpoise in life

I leave you this week with my Deep Sea Ocean Top 10

1. Dolphins.................Tim Buckley
2. Starfish and Coffee......Prince
3. Happy Together...........The Turtles
4. Octopus's Garden.........The Beatles
5. Crazy....................Seal
6. Shark In The Water.......VV Brown
7. Love Is The Law..........The Seahorses
8. The Whale................ELO
9. Summer Fun...............The Barracudas
10. Porpoise Song...........The Monkees

Apologies to my brother for not including Crawfish by Elvis but my understanding is that they are fresh water creatures


FIN (that's French for the end. See what I did there)