Fifteen men on a dead man's chest, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum

So, not so Young Ben celebrated his first birthday last week and the adults of our family spent the whole weekend celebrating same.

My youngest son flew up from London for the weekend with his Australian girlfriend and even for a young lady who comes from a land 'where beer does flow and men chunder' I think a weekend in Glasgow with our brood came as a bit of a culture shock

I knew it was going to be a good weekend when I rose early on Saturday morning to watch our partners in The Auld Alliance knock the Sassenachs out of the Rugby World Cup and send them homeward to think again (probably about sacking Martin Johnson)

Then in the evening we even managed to witness Scotland win a game as we quaffed a few beers while we trounced the mighty Lichtenstein 1-0. All we have to do now is get a result away to the reigning World and European Champions. It's in the bag

Sunday arrived, along with a slight hangover, and this was the day of Ben's Pirate Party. Grown-ups and children arrived in their Pirate costumes. I believe some adults liked the costumes so much they may well have turned up for work on Monday morning still dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow

There was a bouncy castle  and a soft play area which were frequented by both kids and adults although my hook and wooden leg did make life in the bouncy castle somewhat difficult. As the afternoon wore on I decided it was time to let my parrot fly free as he had been giving me lip all day. The last I saw him he was heading for Govanhill. I may well see him again in a curry later in the week

Young Ben was obviously the star of the show. As gifts from friends and family he received an array of toys which would shame Hamleys and will probably spend most of this week writing Thank You cards

The party was a great success. Planks were walked, keels were hauled, treasures were found, mizzen was hoisted, hearties were ahoyed, yardarms were hung from and the least said about the poop deck the better. There were no tantrums and no fights and even the children behaved themselves. By the end of the day I was exhausted. When Ben's mum suggested he and I went home for a kip it was music to my buccaneers.

On that note, I will leave you this week with my Top 10 Pirate Movies

1. Captain Blood (1935)...with the wonderful Errol Flynn, the dashingest blade of them all

2. The Back Pirate (1926)...with the acrobatic Douglas Fairbanks

3. The Black Swan (1942)..starring Tyrone Power..
 "Now put your shirt on. You look much too naked for a decent English gentleman."

4. The Crimson Pirate (1952) with one of my all time favourites Burt Lancaster as the beaming Captain Vallo
     Vallo: "Why did you bolt your cabin door last night?"
     Consuelo: "If you knew it was bolted you must have tried it. If you tried it, you know why it was     bolted."

5. Peter Pan (1953) ...Mr Disney doing what he did best

6. Swiss Family Robinson (1960)...I remember going to the movies to see this one as a young boy...featuring James Macarthur.."Book him, Danno" from the original Hawaii Five-O

7. Pirates of the Caribbean (2003)...Johnny Depp makes pirates cool again

8. Treasure Island (1950)...Robert Newton brilliant as Long John Silver
     "Them that die will be the lucky ones!"

9. The Goonies (1985) ...featuring a young Josh Brolin and a criminal gang led by Mama Fratelli that came from the same school of ineptitude as the criminals in Home Alone
Mama Fratelli: "Kids suck!"

10. The Island (1980)... Michael Caine in an extremely bad movie taken from an extremely bad book by Peter Benchley the author of the excellent 'Jaws'

Sorry, I have tried my best to resist but I can't leave you without at least one pirate joke

A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns telling about their adventures on the seas. The sailor notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook and an eye patch.

The sailor asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies: "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the sailor. "What about the hook?"

"Well," replied the pirate, "we were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" said the sailor. "And how did you get the eye patch?"

"A seagull-dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull-dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

"Well," said the pirate,"it was my first day with the hook..."