I looked in the sky where an elephant's eye was looking at me from a bubblegum tree

S.O.D........Shoe Obsession Disorder. Young Ben and I were in Queen's park last week and took shelter in the excellent Glasshouse when our lovely spring day became a normal Glasgow day with wind and rain.

After partaking of a juice and a toastie we adjourned into the soft play area which is a favourite haunt of the youngster and is also fast becoming one of mine. To play in the central area you have to remove your shoes. All of the children do this and some of the parents, particularly those with very young offspring, also venture in to this area in Sandie Shaw mode.

I have not been so bold as to remove my shoes as yet. At my age taking your shoes off in public is never a wise move so I prefer to play safe and sit on the sidelines whilst Young Ben makes new friends

It was here that I encountered Ben's obsession with shoes. This should not really come as a huge surprise as his mum is not lacking in the shoe choice department. She has not quite reached Imelda Marcos standards but she is certainly doing her best to insure that the children of the Ugg Boots board of directors have a very high standard of education. The fact that she gets a Christmas card from Mr Ugg shows how highly they value her custom

Anyway, I digress. There was I minding my own business when Young Ben presented me with a pair of ladies shoes. This may have been him commenting on my own footwear and trying to improve my look but they were not even my size. It was only after he had done this several times with shoes belonging to adults and children and I returned the shoes to their rightful owners that I realised what a brilliant ploy this was. The youngster's obsession with shoes is part of a cunning plan to find his Grandpa a woman. Already I have an outstanding 'wingman' who charms everyone he meets and allows me to bask in his glory and feed off his scraps and now he is 'breaking the ice' for me as I return the shoes and apologise profusely.

Unfortunately, nearly all the children are accompanied by their mums rather than their grans so this is not quite the godsend it first seemed. We may have to research this further and try a different day when Grannies are out in force. Also, on one occasion he did bring me a pair of adult male shoes. I sent him back with those ones himself.

I leave you this week with my Top 10 Shoe related Songs

1. Blue Suede Shoes........Elvis Presley
2. Goody Two Shoes......Adam Ant
3. Diamonds On The Soles Of Her Shoes......Paul Simon
4. (The Angels Wanna Wear My) Red Shoes....Elvis Costello
5. New Shoes....Paolo Nutini
6. Boogie Shoes....KC & The Sunshine Band
7. Walk A Mile In My Shoes....Joe South
8. Crocodile Shoes......Jimmy Nail
9. Dancing Shoes.........Arctic Monkeys
10. The Red Shoes......Kate Bush

I decided to make it entirely a shoe list so 'These Boots Were Made For Walking' did not make the list and I refrained from including anything by David Soul.

I am seeing Young Ben tomorrow. Perhaps he will assist me in finding my own 'Silver Lady'.

Hope springs eternal as Mr Pope says.