Young Ben and I had an eventful day yesterday. I picked him up from his 'Soft Play and Advanced Mathematics' Class and we headed up to Rouken Glen Park
I made the schoolboy error of not preparing a packed lunch for us both so we called in to Boaters Cafe just next to the pond. Apparently it was my turn to pay again. Going out with Ben is just like going out with my mate Ian except obviously Ben's chat is much better.
Anyway, I am not saying the cafe is expensive but the cost of a children's mac and cheese and a toastie means I won't be out for the rest of the week
After we had finished our delicious value-for-money meal we set off on our walk round the pond.
Our first port of call was the waterfall, where we stood on the bridge and launched our Viking longboats (which strangely resembled tree twigs) into the water just above the falls and then rushed to the other side of the bridge to them cascading down into the rapids below. No matter how many times we did this Ben's craft always seemed to be the winner. He obviously has a better eye than I do for an aqua-dynamic twig
We then went to feed the ducks. I had remembered to bring bread for that. If it had not been in my boot for several days we may well have had that for lunch. There were a few ducks and a solitary swan but as soon as we started throwing the bread a flock of birds appeared from nowhere and they were catching the bread in mid-air before it got near the ducks. My bird game is weak but I think they were gulls or swallows or condors. We had to adopt a much lower trajectory to give the ducks any chance.
Once our bread supply was exhausted we continued round the boating pond with Ben having meaningful discussions with every dog he met. There were several mothers with their children in buggies and prams which we met on our way round and I noticed that I seemed to be breaking protocol with my pond circling direction. It made me feel a bit like Billy Hayes in 'Midnight Express'. Not because I had been caught smuggling drugs out of Turkey (we've all done that) but because I was going the wrong way round the pole or in my case duck pond
However, it was once we left the park that my day deteriorated sharply. We reached the car and I put Ben in his car seat and proceeded to collapse the buggy to put in the boot. In my defence here I would like to point out that the buggy was collapsed when I put it in my car and every other time I have used it has been from Ben's home so it always left and returned in an upright position. There is a red button on the side of the buggy so logic dictated that this should be pressed and the buggy would collapse. Let me say that logic was not involved in the construction of this contraption. Some severe pressing was done but nothing was happening.
Eventually I asked two young ladies who had exited the park with their children for their assistance. It was not a make they were familiar with and they experienced the same difficulties I had. However, being female and resourceful they called a pram shop in town and had them talk them through the intricacies of folding down this fiendish beast. It turned out there was a catch at the front under the seat and the red button on the side was just to confuse helpless males like myself. I am an expert at helpless. I graduated from Uni with an Honours Degree in Helpless
I thanked these ladies profusely for taking the time and effort to help a grandpa in distress. Needless to say Young Ben spent all this time asleep in his car seat or perhaps he was just pretending to be asleep to avoid personal embarrassment.
It also struck me that perhaps this was another cunning ruse on his part, like the shoes last week, to help me meet ladies. Unfortunately desperation is not a good look on a man when trying to impress the ladies
His mum had a good chuckle at my expense when we met up later. She had been in a class and by the time she received my text the drama had been resolved. I also called Ben's dad for advice but being my son he had graduated with the same Helpless Degree as myself
Next week I think Ben and I will both just walk wherever we are going to avoid any further calamities
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